Spent

I always look forward to daddy coming home. Today especially since Hayden, my love....you have been so fussy today. Not sure what is going on with you but I'm guessing it has something to do with the noises coming from your diaper area. ;). I want so bad to be able to handle the mild chaos all day long but I'm not perfect and at the end of the day I'm just spent and so very thankful to have my husband on my side. I know he's tired from being at work all day then going to fight the crazy grocery store crowds...so him helping out with you girls is a true gift to me and I am eternally grateful for having daddy in my life.

Funny thought for today that was inspired by Natalie. Imagine if when people didn't want the item they were holding, or saw something better and just threw it down where they stood and kept walking. That is your phase right now Natalie....playing with something and throw it down for something else. You don't get away with it but it is kinda funny. Just the thought of someone in the grocery store picking up a box of cereal...."naaah..." then throws it down and keeps walking. Perfect example of why parents have to discipline their kids....cause if we didn't the world would be a messy place. :)

Vent, vent, vent....

It's hard enough being a parent...having to discipline your kids when they are acting up...when you think you know what's best because you are with them everyday, experiencing all that they do...then someone with all good intentions, I'm sure, has to step in and "help you out" without you wanting or even needing that help. I feel as though my parenting toes are being stepped on, and being treated as though I don't exist. I believe that it confuses my child when they hear one thing from me and another from someone else. It almost takes the respect that my child has for me away because she sees me being spoken over by someone else's point of view. I don't like this.
I don't think some people actually realize what they are doing to me mentally. All my life I've had doubt put in my head about all kinds of things and I just am not going to allow that anymore. I don't think anyone should step in and try to "help" the situation, when they only make things worse. I'm sick of getting all caught up in the craziness....sick of letting it effect me because then it effects my surroundings and the people I love.
My child is happy, tells me every day that she loves me, and well...that's all that matters to me.

Outdoor fun!

Today was Hayden's first true exploration experience outside! She was in the baby bjorn looking at trees and cars and would every once in a while look back at me to make sure mommy was still attached to her :)
The girls and I have had a much better day today and it wasn't what I expected when I woke up on the wrong side of the dungeon this morning. :(. But girls, both of you turned it around for me. Natalie with your sweet support and participation in my workout and Hayden with your baby chatter and smiley face that we are seeing more and more of. :) Just looking at the two of you I noticed how big y'all are getting! My little women :'-)
I see the way you little beauties look at me with such love and contentment and it makes me hope that I never die. I never want to put the look of sadness or heartbreak on those happy little faces. You are my world and the loves of my life.
XOXO
Mommy

oh my

"Exhaustion" doesn't even cover it. What a crazy life I have weaved for myself! But I love it. I have moments of OMG...and moments of total bliss. This weekend was total chaos. So many things going on for me...and I can't handle it sometimes...well, I think I can't but ultimately I do. I have a hard time with being rushed constantly. Being somewhere at a certain time just throws me for a loop. I've always kinda been that way but now I have 3 people to get ready, not just one. Learning how to handle my stress and breathe through it is the key to my success as a mom, wife and person.
Doing something each day for myself is another important factor. Working on getting the baby weight off plus 20 is proving to be difficult but I can't and won't stop till I get to where I want to be. I refuse to let myself go, even in times of stress. Last night I felt so stressed that I emotionally ate close to 25 m&ms...UGH...I was so disgusted with myself and just decided that I was going to be better today and I have been struggling but doing MUCH better.

It's taking a while to get Hayden set on a schedule, she goes back and forth and I'm just hoping that she will soon be sleeping all the way through the night. What a blessing that will be. until I'm kinda running on fumes, literally....but at least I'm running. That's for me and only me and I really like everything about it....including the pain. :)

Welcome Hayden Isabella Yandle!

Hayden Isabella Yandle was born on March 4th (her uncle Jason's birthday!) at 10:57am. The birth was super easy and Hayden's mommy was happy about that! She is doing so well, and we are trying to get her routine down. She had a crazy blocked tear duct that was swelling like a bag of fluid that we had to drain a lot, but it eventually went away and she's doing great now!
Everything is so chaotic having two kids. I feel bad for my Natalie because she wants things to go on as they did before, even though they kind of are the same, it's different with a new person to take care of. I'm trying hard to be a good mommy to both, where it proves difficult, I'm still pushing on and trying my best.
Eric has been such a fantastic help and I don't know what I would do without him in my corner helping with our girls.

My beauty, my love, my Hayden....I love you with everything that I am. You have just as much of my heart that your sister does. You both are my world, my everything and I can't wait for all the stuff we are going to do together and what our future holds. You are both the best things that have ever happened to me (next to meeting your daddy) and I will spend my life showing you just how much you are wanted, needed and loved.

Kisses!!
Mommy

A look back

Today I am 36 weeks pregnant with my little bundle of joy, Hayden. Although it's been a rocky pregnancy with this "awesome" pelvic pain....I still am so thankful that I got pregnant. I feel like a "normal" woman, which I don't think I ever have due to the PCOS. There are so many conflicting things about pregnancy but the one thing that sticks out is that it is a true miracle. I've been feeling down today because of all the things I can't do, but I decided to try to focus on the positive of the situation, no matter how much pain and hormonal craziness is going on. Of course the positive is my Hayden. I feel like she's been trying to make me feel better with her rolling and shifting. She looks kinda like a puppy under a blanket. :)

I'm so anxious and nervous about giving birth, but then I think about her and what she's going to look like and hoping she is going to be ok. I look back at when I first found out I was pregnant. It was just Natalie and me at home when I decided to take a pregnancy test....and it was positive. Eric came back from his bike ride 5 minutes after I got the result. He was unsure but really happy :) I can't believe I was given this chance to be a mom again....I hope I can balance and be a good mom to both my girls.

I wish I could think of a better word than EXHAUSTED

It just doesn't seem to sum up how I feel these days. I am sore from posterior pelvic pain, I've figured out by self diagnosis. :) At first I thought it was siatica, but thank god it's not. That's much worse.
I'm so frustrated cause I have to sit down a lot. I'm just kind of a busy person and like to be doing "stuff." There is so much I want to and need to do before baby Hayden comes and I can't seem to get it done. Thankfully the hubby has been helping me with dishes and cleaning....even though I wish he had started that a few months ago :) but beggers can't be choosers!
I spent the morning trying to re-organize the pantry and cabinets to make room for bottles and formula, etc. I even sterilized nipples and washed bottles. I'm already worn out.
The upside is that her room is completely finished. Her mini-nursery in our bedroom will be ready to go by the end of the week. Had to hold off because we are having the carpets cleaned on wednesday so I wanted to make sure it was all out of the way for them. Tuesday afternoon/evening is going to be back breaking cause I'm going to have to vacuum every exposed nook and cranny. :| Yikes....

Anyway, I'm SO ready for you Miss Hayden, but you take the time you need to get "ready" and Mommy will be on high alert and ready for you too. :)

My poor Natalie is not able to have her crazy and fun mommy lately :( and that makes me so sad. :( I hate her disappointed face when she wants me to pick her up or dance crazy with her like I used to. She doesn't understand and I don't expect her to, but she has told me that she is ready for Hayden too. :) I can't wait to start feeling normal again and get my body back so I can be fun for my girls.

I love you both to the moon and back and just know that your mommy is trying to be the best I can be for you both.

xo
Mom