Updates

I swear it seems like my posts are coming further and further apart! Maybe cause they are. :) I am going to get on it and become more diligent. My girls just deserve more. Anyway, Hayden is into this "SHRIEKING" phase. I dunno what started it, why it is happening, no do I know when it's going to stop. NOTHING seems to be deterring her from doing it. She shrieks in horror, in pain and in delight. It's so ear splitting that I am feel my ear drums pounding and aching at least 10 minutes after it comes ringing from her vocal chords. My hubby can't stand it and I'm sure one day he's going to snap and run out of our house! He is so calm and cool with everything (except OU football) so it will be epic if I can't get her to quiet that sweet scream. :) Hayden just got a new tooth too, totally out of "normal" baby tooth order..a MOLAR! I only can think that the shrieking, crazy Hayden is because of the giant teeth making their way through her gums. THAT is my ONLY theory at this point. She is a trip and an adventure, always making her voice HEARD. I'm so proud of how she is with other babies, kids and adults. I thought she would be particularly shy, but she's totally come around. I was holding a friend's baby the other day and was sitting on the floor. Hayden came over and put her little jealous arm around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder, just to say, "I'm here and I'm STILL your baby!" lol...it was so sweet and unexpected. Natalie never seemed to be bothered by me holding another baby...so it was nice to be wanted. :) My little Hayden, you are learning so much, as you have been since you could see more than 12" in front of your face! :) You know most of the more exotic animal sounds. Your favorite being the lion growl. I can't get you to mimic dogs and cats too often but you do a mean dinosaur and snake. :) You are a copy cat and watching you learn things by doing them over and over is a total riot. :)

Speaking of learning, Natalie is officially enrolled in pre-school! She starts int he fall and she is extremely excited. I guess I'm sort of bittersweet about it all. I can't believe how much tuition is, especially since she will only be going two days a week, but I know it will be fun for her. We will likely bump her up to three days a week in the spring, especially if things are going well. The school is very close to our house, so that helps ease my mind. Everyone keeps telling me how it's going to be harder on me than it will be on her, and I do believe they are right. I am excited for her to learn and gain new experiences and make friends. I'm sure she will love it, or learn to. :) I imagine she won't want me to leave and that will make me sob until I pick her up but I'm sure we will both get used to it.

For now it's summer and I need to get to working on Natalie's 4th birthday. I have, as usual, too much to do. We aren't going anywhere for vacation this year. We decided we need to aggressively start saving money for the future so I will have to be creative when it comes to our summer fun. I'm sure I'm up for the challenge. The possibilities are endless!!

LOVE YOU GIRLS!! XO Mom

Reflections of a Mother's Day

More like reflections of a mother's week! Last week was rough. I got up Monday morning feeling much better about everything, and decided that I wasn't going to let hormonal imbalance run my life! So I got on the treadmill and took back my routine. I knew I had a lot of make up work to do after last week's sabbatical. I'm not quite sure what spurred my determination, will power and overall self to take a nose dive, but it felt like I had no control over it. I felt like a "shell" and basically just going through the motions. It seems like no amount of alone time would help take the edge off. I baked, I ate chocolate, I tried new recipes, I pinned, I did all I could do to bring me out of that funk, but I went to bed sad every night. I thought for sure I was going to quit this program/way of life that my hubby and I started 10 weeks ago, and that made me more depressed. I kept telling myself to just give it a week off and see what happens...either way I was going to have to force myself out of that "ditch" one way or another, whether I liked it or not. One thing is for sure, my husband was NOT going to let me give up and/or fail. He very kindly said "maybe you just need a break" (or agreed when I said it :) but he did agree that I needed to take time and he did NOT judge me when I had mini failures throughout the funk. That night as I was snuggling with Natalie on the couch, she told me "you are the best mom ever, the best mom I ever had." :) It made my heart melt and I felt so lucky to have a child so sweet, so incredible. She had had a rough week too, but was doing much better. She told me before bed that she had "a-cided (decided) to be a big girl and to be nice." It's amazing...just when you think they aren't listening...they totally are. Of course I realized that life in general is a learning experience. Nothing ever goes as planned, or the way you really want it. You have to adapt to it, and make the best out of all situations. My girls are always going to fight over stuff, I have to pick the battles I go to war in, and leave the others alone. They have to learn to get along, and they do get along in the best ways. Hayden has been in and out of good moods this week thanks to teething rearing it's ugly head again!! UGH! I still love her to bits. :) The girls are very into Dora the Explorer these days. Hayden LOVES Swiper the Fox! She does his little theme music and does her "shocked face" when he comes out. :) She's so cute. She still loves to sing (and sings the Dora song)...I'm surprised she can say words so clearly. Natalie has grown 3 inches since the last time I measured her which I'm thinking was around christmas time. I can't believe she's shot up that much! I think she is in the 93rd percentile for height! crazy. I think soon I'm going to have to start getting her clothes in the "big girl" section instead of the "baby girl" section. :( Sadness. She's growing up too fast!! They both are. Time to get you girlies up...I love you so much ..let's have some fun!! XO Mom

Makes me wonder...

I read all these blogs by celebrity moms who are adamant about "green" and "honest" living. It seems to have just hit them after having their babies that the planet isn't safe with all the chemicals found in, well, household chemicals. It makes me wonder, am I that horrible a mother for using clorox products? I think I do the best I can with their best interests at heart. I feel "green" cause I don't wash their hair every day and always use my reusable shopping bags every time I go to the grocery store, but is it enough? I do buy the more natural clorox cleaning products, so that's something. :) Although I'm sure my husband prefer I just buy the cheapest thing possible, which means less attention is made to the product itself. I also believe in free range chicken and eggs. Happy chickens, happy food. :) I've also thought a lot about going back to vegetarianism. I was before I got preggo with my first child. My preggo self all of a sudden hated soy milk AND veggies! It was craziness for me. I was craving a nice fat juicy steak too much of the time. So I haven't been back since, but I feel increasingly sad for animals. I hate it when I don't use all my eggs and have to throw them away. Those eggs were brought into the world for me to throw away???? :( I also HATE HATE HATE seeing a package of veal in the grocery store. I can't stand the thought of it being a baby cow, born for human consumption and I can't believe that every other human doesn't feel the same way! I know animals haven't much emotion or brain activity, for that matter, but I still feel horrible for what is going into my mouth. :( My husband is a carnivore from WAY back so it's never going to be a family decision to go sans meat. Another problem is that I need to eat a good amount of protein at each meal for my "program" to work, and there is only so much cottage cheese and protein powder one can take in a day! Decisions, decisions. I guess if these are my big brain strains, I guess I'm doing pretty good. ;) I want to do THE best for my girls and just because I feel a certain way, does that mean I have to impose it on them? I've never thought that just cause a parent feels one way that they should force their kid into it. Not that mine are old enough to make those kinds of decisions, they can only follow what we do, but sometimes I feel someone's personal preference is just that, personal. I guess until they can make their own decisions, I have to do what I do, keep them healthy and happy. :) Everything else will fall in line...in time. So even though I am still "wondering" I know exactly who I am and what I feel and that makes it right in my book. Maybe that's a cool thing I'm teaching my kids, to know they have a choice. As long as they are happy, I am happy.

Hayden knows too much...it's scary.

My baby is 14 months old and she already understands so much! I can't even count how many words she knows and says. They aren't perfect pronunciation, but she definitely spits out at least the first syllable. What is so amazing to me is that she attempts anything you ask of her. She's almost like a parrot. :) It's good to be able to communicate with her because as parents know, when you have a baby there is nothing more frustrating than not knowing what's going on with them. All you can attempt to do is figure out their different cries, which is like learning a different language...at high speed. Hayden just started nodding her head "yes." That's cool to me because for a while everything was a "no" as far as her head shaking went, and she would get mad when what she really meant was "YES." pff....haha. :) One of my other favorite "tricks" Hayden does is help Mama out. :) She takes the juice or milk cup to sister, or delivers something to Daddy. It's so cute. She's so proud of herself. :) She is also so polite and says "thank" when she gets her food, juice, milk, or a kiss. :) SO adorable. Natalie is a great help most of the time. She wants to learn to cook and bake. The other day she asked if she could babysit her sister. :) I told her not yet, but that she could help me with diaper changing. She brought her little princess stool over and helped. :) However, she didn't want to assist when Hayden had a "stinker," as she calls it. :) Do you really blame her? Natalie is so grown up, I have to remind myself every day that she is 3. I can't believe how well she speaks and carries herself. She's still a silly willy, but definitely in a more mature way. ;) So Mother's Day is right around the corner. I remember last year (when I still had all my hair :), and how awesome it felt to have two little gifts in my life. I can't believe how far we've come and how much we've all grown. Even though I feel like I "shrink" a little some days/weeks, I still feel like you girls bring out the best parts of me. I know that being a mom the stress can get to me, but at the end of the day I'm always thankful for the love that you give to me. Bed time is still my favorite time of day because of the individual time I can spend with you girls. Natalie, I love how you need to have about 5 kisses and a hug when I tuck you in. You always insist on us blowing a kiss to each other as I walk out the door. I started it and you help keep it going. Hayden, you put your tiny little arm around my neck and want to snuggle before I put you down. You always pull me in closer which is just the sweetest thing. It's almost like you are saying "tighter mama, tighter." My heart melts into a puddle every night. You also know when you are ready to lay down. I get a few kisses then you reach for your bed. :) You are both such great sleepers and I wish that for you for the rest of your lives! Thanks, my lovelies, for making a woman who feels inadequate too much of the time, feel like a very special person more of the time. :) I LOVE YOU!!! XO Mom

Good idea for a day when I didn't know what to do!

Ever have those days? Just don't know what to do in order to entertain your children or yourself ? :P I like bubbles, and messing around in the sand box. I even like coloring and basic things like that, but today, when I felt all others were boring, I decided I wanted to do something a lot more creative. Thinking and thinking, looking around my house, I all of a sudden had a disgusted feeling as I glanced in the general direction of some unmatched socks that USED to belong to my husband. Before I could get too mad, (I mean where THE he** are all their matches??? where????) I got a "sockingly" good idea. :) I found two of the ugliest abandoned mates, and scraped together some foam shapes from some animal puppets I made once, and some felt and my glue and I had the makings of.....SOCK PUPPETS! (I like how I felt like I had a climactic result when I'm sure my readers put two and two together around sentence 3. :) Anyway, it was great fun. Natalie didn't want to stop adding stuff but eventually we needed to stop and let them dry so that we could play later. I didn't want to mess with Nat's so much cause there is a lot of glue on that sucker. haha...but here are a few of my masterpiece!! Such a fun any day project, or on rainy days, or days like today, when I just needed to let some creativity flow when crayons and play-dough just weren't cuttin' it.

Hayden is doing so much better today, so far. She is more herself..ate a lot at dinner last night and has been chowin' down all day today, so that's a huge plus. I'm hoping teething takes a back seat for a while so that she can continue to be happy and enjoy life! YAY! SO happy my choogar choogar is happy :) Glad you are BOTH having righteous days, girls. :) I LOVE YOU!! XO Mom

What a weekend!!

We went on a road trip to Dallas this weekend. I'm sure I've mentioned before that Hayden isn't a "great" traveler. :( This weekend was no exception. She had a slight fever the night before we left, and had been very crabby. I discovered when brushing her teeth that she was getting the #5 AND #6 tooth at the same time! After all this waiting, she finally broke them through! It made her very tired, and grumpy for three days though. I hated waking her up on the morning of the drive. She was so tired and luckily she did ok during that drive. One thing I was worried about was that she hadn't had a real meal in days because of the descending teeth. She seemed bothered by most everything I tried to feed her. Normally she is not very picky at all....she just likes change. Nothing worse than not being able to fix your child's "owy." :( Part of the trip to Dallas was to look around the area and we actually found some pretty cool stuff. :)

As it got closer to the evening time, we headed over to my hubby's cousin's house for some rest and dinner and so the girls could stretch their legs. Natalie loves playing with their daughters so it was a win win situation. :) I was exhausted by that time and felt like a zombie. That feeling would only intensify. :( Natalie was too scared to sleep on the cute princess blow up bed they prepared for her, so she had to sleep with daddy and mommy. The bed is comfy, but definitely not big enough for two adults and a 3 year old who likes to "swim" as she sleeps. :( She woke up a lot and would talk out loud, or flip flop like a dolphin (what's with all the aquatic references? :) Anyway, I got to sleep a little, but not much. Hayden was kinda restless too. Her pack-n-play bed is on it's last leg. It was hard to put up AND take down. The mat wouldn't straighten out either! UGH. After a lot of use from Natalie's infancy years and now Hayden's...I think it's time to retire. After breakfast and some play time it was time to get back into the car, and then all hell broke loose. Natalie was sad sad sad to leave so she was a grump and Hayden did NOT want to be in that car seat....AGAIN. We got about 30 miles away from our lunch stop and Hayden was BALLING and throwing down a tantrum unlike all others. I've never heard such screams from her. Anyway, to say the least she was most happy when we finally got home. I should've put her down for a nap but both of them slept for about 40 minutes after lunch, and I didn't think they would sleep. BIG MISTAKE. After a while of playing Hayden was DONE. 2 HOURS before normal bed time. GEEZ. Hubs went to dinner with a couple of friends -one of which he hadn't seen in a long time- (we were supposed to go too, but no way the girls would be ok with more activity and car time, so I opted out). I was at my wit's end and I didn't want to put her down at 6:45 because she would've likely woken up at 4am! I decided to just ride out the storm and do my best to have fun with them and make Hayden forget her worries. She fell asleep for about 10 minutes in her little boppy chair, and then she wanted to cuddle me and then we had a little dancing party and played soccer throughout the house.

She was having a ball, and so was Natalie. :) Hayden can kick!! She was kicking and controlling her ball all around the house. It was so cute how proud she was of herself. Daddy got home just in time for bath time, so I was glad to have his help. :) While I was holding Hayden in her room, singing to her and getting ready to put her down, she hugged my neck so tight and gave me a few kisses. It was like she was saying "sorry mommy, I love you." That's what I got from allllll the craziness that those 36+hours entailed. She was glad I didn't freak out on her or give up on her. She was happy that I held it together, even though I have private moments of "what the HELL am I going to do????" I did the positive energy thing and it took the edge off of Hayden's discomfort and my own. We all slept good last night, and that, my friends....is all that matters to me right now. :) I truly adore every moment I spend with you my little lovelies. No matter how ugly things get, there isn't anything I love more than being your mommy. Just remember that when things get crazy, mommy is stressed because all she wants to do is fix what's wrong. I love you for your "magic," Natalie, for your imagination, dancing like nobody's watching, and your love of animals and nature. I love you for your inquisitiveness, Hayden, the way you check things out to see how it's going to work, for your love of music, and for your unique combination of impatience and calming force. You are both so amazing in all that you do and how you love. I also fully believe you will both be lawyers, because you both try to talk your way out of things, ALL the time. I can't understand you yet, Hayden, but you always show it to me in your facial expressions and puckered lip baby talk. I got you... ;)

I love you to Jupiter and back. :) XO Mom

Too many days are passing between posts lately. :( I feel as though I'm becoming increasingly more busy. Gee...I wonder why that is??? ;) I have discovered Pinterest (after I've heard so many good things about it from a few people)...it's my escape. Even though I don't really have that much time for it, it's still fun when I can "pin." :) I'm hoping to find some good ideas for projects for the girls. I think I've blogged about it before, but it's really hard to find something that they can do together. I have one advanced child and one that still wants to eat and/or throw everything. oy. SO, I hope that there is something out there that can be modified for any age? :/ I'm so frustrated these days because Natalie's "sharing" has taken a wrong turn...yet again. The hoarding, the blocking, the violent tearing away from her sister's hand. OMG...it's too much sometimes!! I know full well that kids are kids, this is how they learn...and that it all has to get better eventually....but O...M...G. No amount of time-outs makes her understand that what she is doing is MEAN. And then there is Hayden...who is so willing to share even though it is not reciprocated. It's a weird dynamic that I just don't understand. One of her very independent things is being able to adapt to her surroundings. She will push her sister out of the way if Natalie is purposely blocking her...she has NO fear. She grunts and swats! It's hilarious. I also notice more and more that kids don't want to play with the "baby"...they are drawn to the older kids (which is exactly how Natalie was/is). Hayden is usually left in the dust, but she just gives them a face, turns around and finds a toy that she is interested in. It's pretty cool to see her personality is a "screw you" type. :) haha....I was great at playing by myself, as sad as that sounds, but as the baby I had to find my own entertainment. :) Natalie is trying to phase out her naps, which is not happening on my watch...not yet anyway. :) She gets up to use the bathroom like 40 times because that's the only excuse she has for doing so. I'm mostly afraid of her waking up her sister whom shares a wall with the bathroom. I dunno what to do. If I get mad she might pee her bed. I want her to understand that it's quiet time, she needs her rest, and only get up if it's an emergency. No matter how many different times I explain it, she still feels the "emergency" and gets up. (sigh) I guess those narcoleptic tendencies are disappearing. :( Daddy and I had our anniversary dinner on Saturday night. It was so awesome to go 30 minutes away and have a nice meal, wine, and stroll without all the "baggage" that is you. :) haha...That is not a "bad" term is it? :) You know that we love you so, but mommy and daddy need to recharge sometimes, and considering that we hadn't had a "date" in several months, it was time. It is important for us to be happy together, so we are happy for you. :) Things get stressful sometimes, but there are SO many fantastic moments too. :) Hayden, you are saying so many words now like ball, mama, dada, cup, milk (bilk), HIIIIII, buh-bye, dah-dah (dora), and you sing the "back pack song." You love Dora mostly, which is a step up cause you are never interested in TV...just books. Once in a while you get interested, but mostly not. You also like to groove to the ABC song. You canNOT hear it enough! Natalie, you are saying more words too. Like today when Hayden was crying, "Mommy, I don't think Hayden is being a good sport." HUH? haha...so funny. My favorite time of day is bedtime. Not cause you guys are going down for the night, but because it's our individual time. I love when I read books to you, Hayden, and you are so interested and involved. You love Itsy bitsy spider, and giggle every time the "spider" gets you. ;) When I shut the lights off and sing to you some more, you hug me and put your head on my shoulder and reach over for a kiss about 5 different times. It's such a fantastic, heart melting thing to experience at the end of the day. Natalie, you love books and I know you wish I could read 15 a night. It's your "hyper time" so you always need a few minutes to calm down. I think we might need new books, cause too much of the time you memorize them and read them with me. :) You always need about 6 kisses before I leave the room "oh, just ONE more, mommy" :) I surely don't mind that at all! Every time I leave your room, I think about you as a baby and how I can't believe I've been blowing you a kiss at the door, for almost 4 years. It's so unbelievable. No matter how much stress there is in a day, no matter what kind of crap is going on in my head, striving for perfection, your little arms wrapping around my neck is the best feeling....ever. To feel so loved by two little beating hearts is the best medicine to an ailing brain. :) I love you both to the moon and back, times 8. :) XO, Mom