A look back

Today I am 36 weeks pregnant with my little bundle of joy, Hayden. Although it's been a rocky pregnancy with this "awesome" pelvic pain....I still am so thankful that I got pregnant. I feel like a "normal" woman, which I don't think I ever have due to the PCOS. There are so many conflicting things about pregnancy but the one thing that sticks out is that it is a true miracle. I've been feeling down today because of all the things I can't do, but I decided to try to focus on the positive of the situation, no matter how much pain and hormonal craziness is going on. Of course the positive is my Hayden. I feel like she's been trying to make me feel better with her rolling and shifting. She looks kinda like a puppy under a blanket. :)

I'm so anxious and nervous about giving birth, but then I think about her and what she's going to look like and hoping she is going to be ok. I look back at when I first found out I was pregnant. It was just Natalie and me at home when I decided to take a pregnancy test....and it was positive. Eric came back from his bike ride 5 minutes after I got the result. He was unsure but really happy :) I can't believe I was given this chance to be a mom again....I hope I can balance and be a good mom to both my girls.

I wish I could think of a better word than EXHAUSTED

It just doesn't seem to sum up how I feel these days. I am sore from posterior pelvic pain, I've figured out by self diagnosis. :) At first I thought it was siatica, but thank god it's not. That's much worse.
I'm so frustrated cause I have to sit down a lot. I'm just kind of a busy person and like to be doing "stuff." There is so much I want to and need to do before baby Hayden comes and I can't seem to get it done. Thankfully the hubby has been helping me with dishes and cleaning....even though I wish he had started that a few months ago :) but beggers can't be choosers!
I spent the morning trying to re-organize the pantry and cabinets to make room for bottles and formula, etc. I even sterilized nipples and washed bottles. I'm already worn out.
The upside is that her room is completely finished. Her mini-nursery in our bedroom will be ready to go by the end of the week. Had to hold off because we are having the carpets cleaned on wednesday so I wanted to make sure it was all out of the way for them. Tuesday afternoon/evening is going to be back breaking cause I'm going to have to vacuum every exposed nook and cranny. :| Yikes....

Anyway, I'm SO ready for you Miss Hayden, but you take the time you need to get "ready" and Mommy will be on high alert and ready for you too. :)

My poor Natalie is not able to have her crazy and fun mommy lately :( and that makes me so sad. :( I hate her disappointed face when she wants me to pick her up or dance crazy with her like I used to. She doesn't understand and I don't expect her to, but she has told me that she is ready for Hayden too. :) I can't wait to start feeling normal again and get my body back so I can be fun for my girls.

I love you both to the moon and back and just know that your mommy is trying to be the best I can be for you both.

xo
Mom