Getting over it and trying to find some Christmas spirit....somewhere...

I seriously need to get over it. I have been thinking non-stop about all those moms who seemingly have everything together. You know, the ones who have their hair did and makeup on...and cute clothes. I look down at my stained shirt and scraggly hair, and the 6 new wrinkle dents I've gotten in the last two years, I think WHY do some people look so much younger and fresher than I do?? I guess it's genetics or just people being able to ask for help, better lists, being able to let go of stupid stuff, or maybe just all of the above. I feel like a complete failure every single day and I'm so scared that I'm not doing the best job at shaping these two little humans the best way I can. I guess everyone sucks from time to time and what I really need to do is give myself a break. No one is perfect, even though it appears so. One thing I really need to do is give myself some ME time. Find the things that make me happy and do my best to do them well. That might be the key to my self acceptance, my release, my "perfection." On a different note.... Being that you girls and I have been sick for a collective three weeks now, I'm surprised that I have been able to get ANYthing done. I, of course, have ideas shooting out of my head at all times so there were a few that had to be lasso-ed back for a later time. The worst thing ever is having a sickness plague a house during the holidays. What is super surprising to me is that I was able to decorate for Christmas, and do the things I had already planned before that disgusting virus took us over. Go me. Only problem is that I'm SPENT. I was able to run for the first time since Thanksgiving week, but I'm just SO tired. Y'all are feeling fine, playing as usual. We went to the doctor on Monday and Hayden was cleared of her Croup and her ear infections, thank goodness! I was so worried about you for days with your barking and having such a hard time breathing. I hope we never go through that again. Natalie is STILL coughing. Doctor said she's fine, and that it just takes time. SO doesn't feel that way!! I want all of it gone, gone....GONE. Last year Natalie threw up and was sick on christmas morning and now we are dealing with this. I'm hoping that everyone is 100% healthy this Christmas because it just breaks my heart when they aren't feeling well on a normal day. I don't want there extra special day ruined by some nasty school house bug! :( I wish I could take Natalie out of school next week and just keep her in the bubble of our home, but that's just, well...weird. I'm trying to find the holiday spirit by watching a Christmas movie a day and listening to Bing Crosby as much as possible. The older versions of all my favorite Christmas songs are the absolute best. I love this holiday so, so much...I always have. I remember begging my mom to get the decorations out as soon as we got home from my Granny's house on Thanksgiving (she always had at least one tree decorated and lit for us). Now with my own kids I'm always striving to make their house a wonderland of santas and snowmen. The holiday means different things to different people. For me it's the feeling of coziness and warmth on Christmas Eve. The family togetherness and laughter, soft christmas music, twinkling lights. I've felt that way since I was a kid. Now I can add my girls' excitement to the mix, eagerly listening for Santa's sleigh bells. It's a special night...and I think, I just found a little bit of Christmas spirit in all my memories, past and pressent. :)

Thanksgiving Week and Starry Christmas!

Oh my girls....you have been sick for over a week now. I don't know why it takes SOOOOOOOO long to leave your little bodies, but now...Mom has it. :( It feels pretty crappy so I'm sorry you've had to go through this. I feel like I'm drowning in green snot and I don't have enough towels to wipe your crusty, red noses! One thing I cannot get used to is the sad whining. Whereas I'm trying to be as patient as a sick mom can be, the whining seems relentless. I know you can't help it and you are looking for extra special mommy time so I'm sorry. :( Starry Christmas arrived on Friday morning looking quite fabulous, as usual. ;) He got Natalie so excited that she woke up at 5:30am to see him! She never wakes up that early...but she came into our room and Daddy and I couldn't go back to sleep! yikes...that was a rough one. She eventually fell asleep on the couch...

Hayden didn't remember him from last year, but she's starting to stare at and talk to him more. "Nigh, night, Starryyyyyyyyyy!" :) So that's cute. Yesterday was a rough one for all of us, so Starry left a message to "Be Good" and remind us all that he is watching and reporting the the Big Guy. ;)

I pulled out all the christmas decorations yesterday, basically to see what all I had and decide on what new projects I wanted to do. I started making our new stockings, and they are turning out so cute! To think I almost threw in the towel on a project I've wanted to do for years. :) Yay for perseverance. :) Anyway, hoping that we all feel better pronto, cause I don't love this right now. XO my little boogies. Mom

Post Halloween

It's been way too long since my last post. Here is the recap of your Halloween! You both were so excited about Halloween this year. :) I had a great idea for Natalie's costume (a super thunderstorm---since you love the weather) but she asked if that could be next year and THIS year be Repunzel. So I went ahead with that and bought her the wig and costume way ahead of my normal schedule (which is very much last minute). I did get to make her crown, so that made me happy. Hayden's costume was pretty simple to come up with and to make. Cookie Monster! I made it super fancy with sparkly tulle and a cookie crown. SO adorable! You even did that cookie monster growl..."nom nom nom nom" fingers in mouth. :) LOVE.

Of course Mommy had to get in on the costume fun! Tooth Fairy was my last minute decision and I had to work fast and furious to get my tutu and accessories made. good thing I had the wig and other things on hand already. :) SO fun! Y'all loved it. Trick or treat-ing wasn't very fun, unfortunately. :( Natalie got so scared by the second house because of the "sounds" coming from the spooky decorations. Crying, frozen solid and eventually knocking over sister. SO...Daddy took you home. You didn't seem to mind too much and actually really enjoyed handing out all the candy. Natalie, you made it known that THAT was going to be your job every year. :) I just want you happy so you can do whatever you want. I will not force anything. I was petrified of Halloween as a kid, but ironically I love it now. Hayden had a blast going from house to house and at the last house got pretzels, so she was in total bliss! She would say "tick teat" and "haaaa halloweeeen" :) Aaaaa-dorable. The Saturday before Halloween we visited our pumpkin patch. It wasn't the "greatest" experience because y'all were sick. It ended up being pretty chilly outside so the noses never stopped running. :( You both had a lot of fun picking out pumpkins, running around, pulling the wagon, so I'm the one who was less enthused...maybe cause I had snot all over my sweater since I forgot to bring a boogie rag! :( Nice one, Mom!

It was great seeing the smiles and hearing the giggles. I love holiday traditions, especially everything we do in the Fall. Sad to see some of it go, but excited for the rest of the holiday season. :) Love you my little girls....always. XO, Mom

Sometimes I wish I could get away from it all...just for a few days. And well, you might think this is "not so nice" or not a "lovey dovey" kind of post, it's real...it's me...and it's us. Every day I have this set job. Things change up a little bit from time to time. But my job remains the same. I get up, fix my coffee and veg in front of the computer until it's time for y'all to get up. It's some of the best time of my day. I have no focus, no job to do. It's just me. You will find as you grow into adulthood that we all need some decompress time. I am not ashamed of mine cause I know it's important and it makes me a better mommy to you. If I have an adequate amount of down time, I can play and sing and have a blast with my two best friends. Lately, I've been grinding my teeth in the stress I've built up inside myself. Your mom is constantly striving to be the best at all things. It's for no one else's sake but my own. I know this sounds so bizarre, but it's my own high standards that I have to answer to on a minute to minute basis. I go to bed and rest so easily after I've fed you girls a yummy and veg filled dinner. Knowing you enjoyed every last bite puts my mind at peace. If your rooms are picked up and in nice order, I sleep better. It's this absolutely absurd mindset that makes me grind my teeth. I think I might be slightly OCD. But then I think harder about it and maybe it's just me having this overwhelming want to make sure you are happy and healthy. It shouldn't take as MUCH as effort as I put into it, but I still do it. My whole life is you. I have never been so meticulous, so focused on one thing. The best part about that obsessive compulsiveness is that I am more determined in different aspects of my life as well including finishing what I start. I am a start and drop kind of personality, but after having kids, I have become much more focused and my determination has sky rocketed. Every year of your lives I evolve a little bit more. The problem is that I suffer in other areas. I can't keep my whole life in perfect order and that's frustrating. SO when I say I wish I could get away for a little while, it's so that decompression can help me prioritize. The stress of things that I am not so good at, eat away at me. Whereas I feel like I'm a better version of myself, I still feel like I could use more patience, understanding and my own self acceptance. So here's hoping little bits of alone time (here and there), and stress release add up to help me see the light in all that is me and my beautiful life. :) I Love you!! XO Mom

Wow

I don't want off the roller coaster, I just want it to slow down a bit. The girls have been sick for over a week and a half...finally it decided to dry up! Thank goodness. They played outside after their naps and had so much fun. Hayden fell in the bushes and Natalie fell off of the small play slide we have in the back yard...at almost the same exact second! It was crazy. I yell at my Daddy to grab Hayden and I see Natalie fall head first the short distance to the grass, her feet and legs still draped over the slide. They were both laughing, so no biggie. Hayden is the "dare devil" in training. She was sitting next to Natalie on the couch, watching her sister play a game on the iPad and I guess turned around too fast and fell face first on one of their little wooden chairs, wait...it was on the CORNER of that little chair. You can only imagine how fantastic her forehead looks right now. It immediately swelled up! It was like one of those hershey's easter chocolate eggs. I felt so bad for her. It was green and purple and she barely let me put ice on it. We had to pretend to put ice on her dinosaur to help her along. It worked a little. So today she has two scratches and a red bump but the swelling is way down. That was scary for me. She has bumped, bruised and bled so much more in her short little life than Natalie did. Let's see...Natalie=cautious, Hayden=adventurous. There is the reason why I see more injuries with Hayden. :) Hayden talks SO much. Said it before, I'll say it again...Hayden talks SO much! My favorite thing she says is when she wants her sister to come with her. "c'mon tithter, MON!" :) LOVE. You guys are getting a long so much better these days. Natalie you are in caregiver mode and I adore that. You still don't want her taking everything from you but you are getting more, let's see.....used to it? I'm so sad cause you are growing up too fast. Things are changing and I dunno if it's school that's causing more growth in you, Natalie, but it makes me sad. You are definitely not my little baby any more. There is a difference to say the least. It's not a bad difference it's just you evolving and something that this obsessive mother has to get used to. I love you both SO much and it grows every single day. We all grow and change and better ourselves, so I have to accept what is happening to you. It's mother nature doing her thing and I cherish what she has given to me in the forms of you. :) I love you to the moon, my lovelies. XO! Mom

School Germs and My Toddler, the Dictator

Needless to say, I'm having a fantastic week. OY VAY. Seriously, this is why I hate Natalie going to school. Well ok, so I hate not being in control of her situation for 4 hours, twice a week, but really I'm getting used to it. BUT I just hate hate hate hearing children sound like they are coughing up a lung when I drop her off. :| I just want to cover her mouth and pick her up and RUN out the door. I've always heard the horror stories of stomach flu, regular cold flu, etc being spread through the snotty hugs and slobbery sharing that is...school. One other thing I hate is when people ask, "does she have a fever?" First the husband asks me, then says "it sucks we can't get a refund." That really irritates me. Then I call the school to tell them she isn't coming in because she is sick. This woman then asks, "oh, does she have a fever?" REALLY?? REALLY??? You need to ask? Like I'm lying? It could be that they just want to know in case others start getting sick. I simply just said, "she is a little warm, but her head is hurting and she's coughing and sneezing and she won't be in." But I'm STILL mad. I absolutely HATE being questioned. I grew up being asked if I was sure all the time. I AM sure and I no longer want to live under this "questionable umbrella" because it stopped me from doing so many things in my life. It seems kind of a stretch to move from a sick kid, to my emotional road blocks, but it just stirs it up inside of me. One thing I want you girls to know is that I'm not going to question you when there is something in your life that you are passionate about. I'm not going to make you feel like you should be doubting yourself. It's an awful, unaccomplished, lonely feeling. I want you to be strong, independent and bad ass women. It took me 30+ years to figure out exactly who I am and what I need to do in life. I should've had that foundation, that confidence a long, long time ago. BUT at least I have it now and I know that it was ME that got me here. Now, onto the "Dictator." Hayden, I love you. I really, truly love you. There is not "but." I just think it's funny that you are trying SO hard to become the queen of the house. Oh, hunny bunny...that just AIN'T gonna happen. :) I'm sure you are reading this thinking otherwise or maybe laughing. You are knocking on the door of 19 months, and you try your best to ignore what I say and do as you please until time out is involved. Usually I can tell you that you are not being nice to mommy and that you need to sweet. I get a little hug and a head on the shoulder and a "luh youuuu" YES...you are saying "luh youuuu" now. Last night you were CA-razy, and at around 8:15 (just before your bed time) you came to mommy and said, "Nap, mommy....nap." I said, "oh? you want to go take your nap? you want to go seep?" You said, "uh-huuuuuh" So that was pretty cool. Never have I heard a child say they want to go to sleep. :) You definitely are very decisive and know exactly what you want, when you want it. That is also a bad thing, some times. :) We need to work on your patience a little bit. If mommy has to work on it then so do you. We just decorated for Halloween!! Yippee!! :) Mommy's fave time of year. I was feeling a little confuse with decor this year, because of all my redecorating. Our house has a lot more color and personality so I had to be more subtle and creative with the halloween colors. It is coming along. :) Only bad thing is Natalie thought it was time to go trick-or-treating and I had to tell her it's still a few weeks away. :( Ok, gotta go take care of my little monkey-monks. Hayden is starting to sneeze now....aaaaaaaaand, here we go. :( XO!! Mom

Ideas...SQUASHED!

For the last two days Natalie has begged me to be Repunzel for Halloween. After MONTHS of me trying to figure out how to make my little girl's dreams come true with a fantastic "super thunderstorm" costume that she wanted so badly...I feel sad. I know kids are chronic mind changers, but I feel more crushed that our whole weather family thing isn't going to happen. Why do I have to say yes to her new idea??? I know...I KNOW....cause I HAVE to. :( I sometimes find the whole princess thing a little on the boring side. Sorry my girls, it's just on the days when you want to be a rock star or an "animal doctor" or even a pirate, it thrills me a little more. :) But what can I say, I think I at least have one princess and there's absolutely nothing I can do to change her, nor would I want to. I tell them both every day to just be who they are. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Staying true to yourself is the most important accessory. I think it took me 35 years to figure that one out. Hopefully I can encourage them and get them to that place a little sooner. :) Football season is in full swing. Hayden loves saying "BOOMER SOONER!" and says "football!" when she sees a game on. It's really cute and surprised at how much she soaks up. (good and bad..haha) Natalie is really loving school. Yesterday she went on and on about how fun it was. That's my favorite time of the day, picking her up and hearing all about it. :) She's learning names and comes home with a "new friend's" name almost every school day. So excited for Fall! Today it's raining and it's going to continue off and on for a couple more days. It's movie day and we are watching Tangled. :) Love you girls, lets have a great day!!

Haydee is 18 months old!!

Yesterday was my Haydee girl's 18 month birth "anniversary." :) I can't believe it's already been a year and a half!! She is my crazy girl. Constantly talking and trying new things, whether we like it or not. We've been enjoying our tuesday and thursday mornings together while sister is in school. I've never had a real chance to bond with her on a one-on-one basis and I'm glad I get a chance now. Maybe she doesn't notice or even care, but I do. It's good for my soul so that makes it so good for her too. :) We just got through with our major kitchen reno/cabinet painting. It was crazy having the house torn up for 2 weeks, but it makes things so much sweeter now that it's done and pretty :) Anyway, thank you girls, for being soooo patient with mommy and daddy during a "crazy mommy idea/project." :) It didn't seem to faze you at all. That's why I love my little easy going girls....well easy going in MOST things ;) LOVE YOU bunchy bunchies!!! XO Mom

Natalie's First Day of School!

Today is Natalie's first day of Pre-k school. She's only doing 2 day/half days, but still...it was SO hard for me to leave her with "strangers." She did so great though and looking forward to it for so many weeks. Luckily we got to have a play date for about 30 minutes prior to this, so she got used to it a little bit. As soon as we walked in, you went straight for the teacher (Ms. Val) and showed her your backpack and lunch bag. Mommy was dumb and made you your fave sandwich, pb and j, but it's a "peanut free facility" so I had to bring it home. You have plenty more to chow on, and can have the sandwich when I pick you up at 1. :) There were lots of kids in there already and you started playing immediately. I'm nervous about all the things you are going to have to do on your own or depend on someone else for. In your 4 years of life, I've always done everything for you....so trusting in someone else and letting you learn your independence is pretty frightening for me. I will admit, as I have in the past, that I'm a bit OCD when it comes to things. I have to learn to relinquish control. It's good for all of us. :)

Last night y'all were looking at two different animal books, making the sounds of all the animals and chit chatting. Hayden said, "Hug" and gave you a hug Nat. Then Natalie said, "aww Hayden...you're just the best sister." It was the sweetest thing and it melted my heart. I will never forget it and I think I teared up a little bit. I love watching you girls grow into your own personalities. Hayden you say so many words and Natalie your compassion and sense of humor is in full bloom. Fall is almost upon us and the real fun begins, for mommy. :) I can't wait for fall decorating and halloween projects and the start of the holiday season. LATER SUMMER!! We have been in our cabinet painting project for a full week now and you guys are adapting to the craziness; dust, stuff everywhere, complete chaos. You don't ask many questions, just keep on keepin' on. Mommy and daddy can't wait till it's all done and we can enjoy our kitchen again!! Love you!!!! XO Mom

This and that...

I realized after my second child that there is a pro and con situation with when they start talking. Pro...they tell you what they want. Con...they tell you what they want. :) Really it's awesome that Hayden can tell me, "Mommy...I hungee" or "Mommy, huhts" (while pointing at a body part that hurts). Of course she likes to tell on her sister when she isn't getting her way. It's so painful and yet so funny to watch them interact. One minute they are about to go all WWF in the middle of the kitchen. The next minute they are singing and playing "ring around the rosy (which by the way, have you ever paid close attention to the lyrics?? It's kinda sad singing about disease!)." Things can get way out of control fast, but then the seem to calm down almost as fast. Siblings have such a unique relationship. Hot to cold, warm to boiling, etc etc etc. It's been a long hot summer. There have been so many happy and fun memories. I can't wait to write my summer wrap up. Can you tell I'm chomping at the bit?? :) My summer has been extraordinary, I must admit. I really love this DIY/refurb/flip stuff. I can actually sit still and do something well and really learn from it. If I get better, maybe I'll create a separate blog to discuss my projects. Although there are about a million blogs about the same thing, my two cents and my ideas wouldn't hurt anything. :) Natalie is so into Hello Kitty right now. She HAD to have a hello kitty back pack and lunch bag for school. She asked me, "do you think the kids will like it, mom?" I said, "It doesn't matter if everyone likes it or hates it. what matters is that YOU like it. No matter what anyone says, it's cool if you like it." Never too early to try to teach my kiddos to just be and love themselves. School starts in 2 weeks!! I'm excited for you Natalie but also not really ready to have you out of the house in someone else's care for a few hours a week. It's me ripping the bandaid off slowly before kinder. YIKES...that's going to freak my freak. :( Love you both! It's nap time!! XO Mom

Calendar of Events

Soooo, recently I've been thinking about creating a white board calendar of "to dos" for the girls, well mostly Natalie since Hayden doesn't really get stuff like that ...yet. :) I also thought, what a great way to incorporate a "reward board" at the same time. Natalie does something nice, or good, like sharing or trying hard with no whining, she gets a star for the day. She can collect several stars or get them taken away. You don't like that part, Nat, so I'm hoping you learn a little bit about cause and effect in the process. If she gets 7 or more by the end of the week she gets a special treat! She's already loving it and we're on day 2. On the calendar I write two to three things we are going to do each day or try for the first time. I love that it gives Natalie stuff to look forward to and it is teaching her the days of the week in the process. She wanted to check the "agenda" last night to see what fun things she was in store for. So we did ballet today and she was so into it. I gave her a star cause she was learning so well and really seemed focused, which for her...is...HUGE. It was a lot of fun to watch. Yesterday we did gymnastics and she learned how to do a summersault without me even helping her. I was helping her sister do a back flip (which they both love to do), and saw from the corner of my eye, Natalie roll over! I was super proud of her...again, this...is...huge! She is very cautious and to see her be a little adventurous was just amazing to me. Hayden of course, is a little too adventurous, but watching her excited and learning some new capabilities was pretty cool to say the least. :) Today I was on the treadmill for an HOUR and even though y'all were playing, Hayden could tell it was longer than usual. I couldn't help it, I really need it to clear my head and get focused. Recently I've been feeling "not myself" and I know exactly what I need to do. I like being in the midst of a hard cardio session just because I feel the fog lifting and my mind clearing as sweat pours down my face and back. I realize I can get really emotional about some things and normally probably over react. And by the time you read this you will know for SURE that your mom is NOT like this. :) tee hee. In all seriousness though, I need to follow my own convictions of being a good person. Yea, I may not be like everyone else, but I also have to remember compassion and freedom to just be who you are which makes our country SO freakin' great. I don't want anyone to feel hate on me, so I shouldn't feel hate on anyone else. It's all about that book I love so much by Ms. Byron Katie, "Loving What Is." No one can hurt you, but YOU. The way you think and project probably has nothing to do with how things really are. The reality of what is can get so clouded by negative thoughts that creep in. I just want you girls to understand that even your "big shot" mama has moments of humility and sometimes I just need to take a step back and realize that life is so beautiful. Friendships and relationships of any kind are so beautiful and I treasure every single one of mine. :) XOXOX! Mom

My girls are SO fun!!

We have been doing a lot of projects lately. Where Hayden can't help, she colors and she totally feels like a big girl. :) Pretty much anything we ask Hayden to say, she says it. The other day we told her to her sister "don't cry." She cocked her head to the side and made a sweet little sad face, "no cryyyyy, thither." I wanted to cry. It was SO adorable and it prompted Natalie to put a smile on her face. :) Hayden is now saying Mommy which melts my heart. Mama is ok...but to hear her say, "moooommmmyyyy" is the bestest. If I go somewhere and daddy watched her, I ask her "did you miss mommy?" with a pitiful sounding voice she says, 'yeeeeaaaaaa" and hugs me tight. WOW could life be any better????? Natalie is learning so many things on a daily basis and is morphing into someone really funny. She says things in a silly way, or tells a joke and even practices funny faces in the mirror. Hayden has learned to stand her ground and push her sister out of the way when she's bothering her. She still gets extremely frustrated when she can't figure something out. I'm not really suuuure where she gets it from, so I'll blame her daddy. ;) She is a little comedian herself! Moves slowly while giving us looks from the corner of her eyes then starts laughing hysterically. Yea, she so knows what she's doing. Natalie is getting really great at cooking/baking, except when she cracks an egg, she throws the shell into the bowl also. wtheck?? When I asked her why she does that, she answers, "because it's so slimy." pff...my girls are little miss prisses. They don't like getting dirty; sand in their shoes; crumbs or sticky stuff on their fingers; etc; etc. It's good but also a little on the annoying side.

We went to a night baseball game the other night and the girls had a lot of fun even though it was hot hot hot!!

Natalie went to the dentist for her 6 month check up and I was worried. Her first time was pretty "harry." :( This time around was VERY different. She was mature and didn't whine or cry in the least. Bravery took center stage and she was a rock star. I was so proud and relieved as we were leaving that I had to stop myself from crying. GO GIRL!! You got to pick out two projects (princess foamy stickers and foamy bracelets) for being such a good girl. I'm so proud of you two, for all the things you learn on a daily basis and for the people you are becoming!! My girls, you are my everything and I enjoy creating and exploring and just cuddling with you every chance I get. I am trying with everything I have to just be a kind person and to be someone you will look up to all your lives. I will, every single day of my life, count my joys which includes the two of you. :) Love you too much!!!! :) XO Mom

A message of kindness

I felt the need to blog about a certain topic just so you, my little loves, would know exactly how I feel. Recently there has been some uproar about a specific fast food chain that I always have considered my favorite. Even though I swore off all fast food a long time ago, I still was holding them in high regard for their fries, their service, and a diaper changing table in the bathroom. Natalie you have had a fun adventure or two in your life that included a kids' meal and I think you started loving your lemonade because of this place. So the uproar is about the CEO of this company admitting to giving money to anti-gay organizations and for saying that they do not believe in gay marriage. My heart sunk when I heard this nonsense. I felt like how could a place who used to bring me so much joy (and calories) be so hateful. I keep thinking about how being a mom changed me forever, into what I believe to be an open minded, strong willed person who's heart swells for all those who love deeply. Nothing should matter when it comes to love. Race, age, OR sex. Natalie you told daddy yesterday, "I love mommy so much that I'm going to marry her." Even though it means different things coming from a 4 year old, it still touched my heart in so many ways. I said, 'I'm already married, hunny, but when you find someone you love and loves you....then you marry them." It feels good not to put a label on boy or girl. Fact is, a lot of those people feeding their kids this fast food in their own "protest" don't know for sure if their kids are gay or straight and when you think about the love of your kid...it shouldn't matter in the slightest. In fact, it doesn't matter to me. The only thing that matters to me is that you, my little loves, are happy and full of love and understanding. I want you to understand that people are different all over the world. Mom has freckles, daddy has no hair on his head, and the differences keep coming. Just because someone is different doesn't make them bad, it doesn't make them any less human than you. I want you to always be kind and helpful to everyone, especially those who need it. Right now, I'm doing something that is kind and helpful by boycotting this restaurant and standing up to what I believe to be a bully to someone who is just different than them. No higher power would ever want this to go on. Just because someone wrote something down doesn't make it so. I feel like people should stand by the words they believe in: "do unto others as you would want them to do unto you." To me that statement seems simple and people always seem to forget that. Loving each other is simple. It's the hate and the prejudice that takes so much effort. Love people for who they are because there is someone loving you for who you are. I hope you find the kind path, girls. Sadly it's so rare right now.

Thrifting Mama!

I've always liked thrifting, but never had a place for it in my house of new(er) furniture. I married a man who likes it that way and that was ok....just have always felt like things were off or missing in my beautiful house. Yes, I have always thought it was beautiful with my dated asian/modern accents. Ever since my girls entered the picture is when I really started wanting more colors and different kinds of character and home-y charm. For a short time the only brightness was in their rooms. I had a deep red accent wall in my dark-ish master bedroom that I painted a light blue when Natalie was around 2. It felt so amazing to take that red out! Soon after I experimented with the world of fabric art. I used pillow cases that came with some new bedding I got. Hot glued some faux flowers and voila! I was hooked. Maybe I have too many fabric pieces now, but I am loving it. Pinterest is my lady and I really feel like it has opened up some windows and flown open a few doors that have been closed for too many years. My creativity has been stored away because all I have concentrated on is the girls and losing the baby weight. I feel so energized with projects in my head. I feel so alive with the creative juices pumping. The only problem I have is needing it to be done now...and when I mean now, I mean like 30 minutes ago. :) I get kind of irritated if I can't get something to work right or if I'm missing a piece or tool. UGH. BUT...luckily I can usually get it done after a tiny amount of stress. I really feel like ME and truly amazing when I am creating and pulling ideas together. I hope I have at least 3 projects in my head for all of eternity. To me it's that extra piece of something that keeps me happy and fulfilled in my sweet little life. I think it's because that is who I am. I am a creator. I have visions that need to be applied and worked out and brought into reality. Honestly, while I'm doing it I don't care what anyone thinks about me. I am in my own little world and I feel such pride in my work. I hope that when you grow up you find something that makes you feel special, unique and completely wonderful. That "something" for me is obviously being your mommy, but also being the person who brings brightness, sparkles and creativity into our little world. :) My dream is that you will always think of your mommy that way. XO, Mom

Our Summer Vacation!

Well, we had "sort of" vacation. :) Daddy was off for about two weeks so we used that time to explore the great outdoors! Mommy isn't very "outdoorsy" but the places we went were very pretty and interesting. Needless to say it was pretty hot, but we still really enjoyed ourselves. We stopped by a new park in RR that is SO cool. It's an all abilities park for kids. Foamy flooring, lots of slides and fun jungle gyms. Swings, sand pits, music and water stations and even a model of a tiny Round Rock town complete with streets and stop lights! It's so cute. You both ran around like crazy little monkeys! Hayden chased Natalie and neither one of you wanted to leave. It was lots of fun and I can't wait to take you back there again!

My favorite place was of course the botanical gardens. It is so lush and beautiful and it doesn't disappoint when it comes to wildlife. We saw a snake, several lizards, squirrels, bugs, fish and butterflies! Hayden seemed hot, but she liked walking around a little. Somewhere along the line we lost Sleeping Beauty's tiny pink shoes. I was a little miffed, but Natalie said, "It's ok...I don't mind." Ha....O...K. :)

We also went over to the Austin Nature and Science Center. That was a pretty cool adventure for the girls. Owls, coyotes, bobcat, bugs, etc. They are all rescue animals that were once pets! Crazy. Anyway, it was pretty there and the girls got to dig in a huge sand pit filled with dinosaur bones! Natalie wasn't too excited about it after she realized she had to work to get to them. haha....so like her mama. ;) Hayden was throwing sand and well it just got really hot and we were at the end of the line. So we sat in the shade in a pavilion under a fan and the girls had their snack. Soon after we hiked back to our car and headed to lunch. The girls also got to swim at the Rock-n-River with their cousins (which I don't have too many pictures of because I'm freaked about water and them in it-so I'm always on full alert). They loved it. Natalie was a lot more scared than Hayden but she still gave it all she had to learn a little. Sadly, I haven't taken her swimming as much as I should have the last couple of summers. I had good excuses but maybe not good enough. We are going to do some work this week and hopefully get her sea legs working better! Can't wait till she is swimming like a tadpole under water. :) All in all we had a fantastic week with Daddy, sticking close to home and going on our adventures! Here is the two of you playing in Nat's room at her vanity. I love how Hayden's feet are tucked up under her butt! :) So confident and that look on Natalie's face makes me think of me.

*(still trying to get other pics uploaded...stay tuned followers!) We love you girls.....to the moon...and well....you know. ;) XO!! MOM

Natalie's Birthday

I feel bad that I didn't write this yesterday, on your actual birthday, but we were busy and mom got tired. :) It's been 4 years. Four years since I first laid eyes on you. I wanted you to be born sooo bad and then you made me wait through a 26 hour labor, but you knew what you were doing and you were so worth the wait! I will seriously never forget the joy that you brought to me the instance that I held you. There is no greater love. Instantly I became a better person. I didn't think. I didn't ponder. I just became. You have grown from a tiny, big blue-eyed baby to a TALL, beautiful, big green-eyed girl. :) Creativity comes through your role play and your art work. You have a passion to learn everything and it brings me happiness to see your eyes light up when something "clicks." :) You are very smart, funny and kind which makes everyone love you.

There are no words, (no matter how much I write here) that could express how you have enlightened our life. Your sister, dad and I adore and love you more than you can ever know. Happy Birthday, NuNu! I hope that you had fun at your silly fiesta party. An explosion of colorful decorations, swimming, sprinkler, sand, cousins, besties, big people you love and all your favorite things to eat! :) I give you every ounce of my love and my soul because you have given me so much more than that.

I love you... XO Mommy

Sprinkle away the summer heat!

Yesterday I got the girls up from their naps and put them in their smatchy smatchy swimsuits that they got for easter. They both looked like little cupcakes! :) LOVE. Even though Natalie's suit was a little too short...my girl is just too tall! :( She said it fit fine though. We went outside and turned on the "Waterpillar" sprinkler and Natalie so loved it. Hayden tried it but got a little freaked out by the pressure of the water "tentacles." There was crying involved. :( SO she played in the puddles and in the sand box and just laughed at mommy and sister running around getting soaked. It was too so fun acting like a kid. It's kind of the concept of dancing like nobody's watching. I felt like I needed something like that yesterday. Hopefully there are a lot more fun times to come this summer! Hayden is full on conversating now. :) She is even calling Natalie "sister"...well it comes out "tithter" :) It's so cute. When she notices someone isn't in the room. like her daddy..."where go? where go dadda?" Adorbs. Natalie is learning to correct words after she says them, when she notices they weren't right. It's SO weird to tell her something and have her understand and do it. Her chore (for now it's only one) everyday is to clean up the toys in the family room before bed. Some days she gives me grief saying "my body is tired" but other times she just gets to it and tells me she likes it. :| I like that now she is actually putting things back in it's place and not just piling odds and ends on top of each other like some kind of weird statue in the toy box. :) Pinterest is my lady. :) I check it every morning and afternoon and add my ideas to everyone else's awesomeness. I'm glad I have one central spot for all things I want to try and all things I can dream about. There are so many cool things for the girls and parties and halloween. All my favorite things. :) I hope you girls appreciate the little things in life and the little things your mommy tries to do to make that life as special as possible! XO, LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Mom

Grass is your friend!

FINALLY! Hayden had been so nervous walking on grass, shoes or no shoes, but today she finally walked down the stairs of our patio (with mom's assistance) but then let go of my hand and walked into the grass barefoot!!! YES! She would always cry cause I guess she didn't like how it felt on her feet. Today she walked all the way over to the sand box like nobody's business!! So proud of her. That made my summer sadness a little happier. :) Something about kids and running barefoot in the grass. :) Yippee!

Reasons why I HATE summer....

So ok, this post title is a little harsh, but if I went through some other posts during the summer seasons, I would probably see similar negative undertones. To me...summer sucks. The heat, the bugs, the heat.... You'd think I would be used to it since I lived where there is only one "warm" season for all of my childhood, but I am not. I seriously melt at 95 degrees. My Natalie also gets hot fast and sweats and sweats. As a baby she was always uncovered cause she didn't like sleeping snuggled and swaddled. Still to this day, she barely covers herself when she sleeps. Hayden is following in our footsteps...we are all just HOT people. ;) Some people love the summer for the beach time and the swimming, and whereas that stuff is fun, it's still just a moment in time that is relief from the heat and the humidity. Funny thing right now is that it isn't even officially summer yet! AAAH! I do have things planned for the girls, which includes swimming. The both are going to get private lessons from mom! Good thing I'm not ashamed to be in a swimsuit in public this year. :) No, I'm not a victoria's secret angel, but don't hate cause I do feel pretty good about my progress thus far. :) Updates that have occurred with the girls are as follows... Hayden has gotten like 6 new teeth in the last month..and counting! She is doing a little bit of running now and talking more. She's super sharp when it comes to pointing out body parts and animals. She still LOVES dogs and can say "Ri" which is short for Riley, our male dog. She's always been fascinated and amused by him, so it was no surprise that she learned his name first! Natalie is gearing up for her 4th birthday! She is so smart that I would think that it's more like her 8th birthday. :) She is so awesome at acting out her little plays and talking to her animals. She is so nurturing and yet still somewhat violent. haha...she loves to play in her room "alone" but that only lasts for about 5 minutes when Hayden is nearby. Hayden gets kicked out of Natalie's domain way too often, but quickly gets invited back. :) They are truly sisters....pushing and tormenting one minute...kissing and hugging the next. It's definitely an interesting thing to watch. I have to go take an inventory on the stuff I just got in for Natalie's birthday. Hoping nothing is broken or dented! I'm very excited for it because I know she will love every minute! I love you girls!! XO Mom

What will I be when I grow up?

I'm still wondering that myself. All I know is that whatever I set out to be when I was 6, 10, 13, 16, 18, 21, etc...has all changed several times over. I don't think I knew my "path" until I turned 27 which wasn't the type of path I had intended for myself in any time of my life. When it presents itself to you in a series of events in your life, you need to see what it's all about and see if it's worth following. My own self doubts and fears almost destroyed everything, but I put my head down and with love and support, I walked down that path hand in hand with your dad. Have there been bumps, cracks and dips in the road? Yes....but there have been so many blue skies to lift my head and look up at and carry us safely over those imperfections on this path. I still don't know what life has in store for me. Life is a funny thing and it's taken me thirty-five something years to even get close to figuring out who I am and what I want to stand for. I do know that I'm having the craziest best time being your Mama! No matter what I love and adore you both to no end. What I want you to be is anything that your heart desires. Do whatever you can't breathe without. I will always be standing in your corner, cheering you on. I know, from knowing you both, that it will be fantastic, creative, wise, and I will be beaming with pride. NO one can tell you to be something. You have to be your own person and stand with your head held high. Don't be what you aren't just to please someone else. Each person on this earth is different, no one is exactly the same and guess what? That is O..K. You are beautiful individuals and if I forget to tell you that at some point in your lives, know that it's a feeling that comes deep within my heart--you...are....PERFECT. Perfect for ME, perfect for your DAD and perfect for all those who know and love you. Take that thought and use it to drive you towards your passions. Never give up on your most amazing dreams cause as long as you keep dreaming, they are still out there to achieve. I love you both to the depths of my soul. I know that whatever you do in life, and whomever you become, you will make me the proudest mama on the planet. :) XO!! Mom

Updates

I swear it seems like my posts are coming further and further apart! Maybe cause they are. :) I am going to get on it and become more diligent. My girls just deserve more. Anyway, Hayden is into this "SHRIEKING" phase. I dunno what started it, why it is happening, no do I know when it's going to stop. NOTHING seems to be deterring her from doing it. She shrieks in horror, in pain and in delight. It's so ear splitting that I am feel my ear drums pounding and aching at least 10 minutes after it comes ringing from her vocal chords. My hubby can't stand it and I'm sure one day he's going to snap and run out of our house! He is so calm and cool with everything (except OU football) so it will be epic if I can't get her to quiet that sweet scream. :) Hayden just got a new tooth too, totally out of "normal" baby tooth order..a MOLAR! I only can think that the shrieking, crazy Hayden is because of the giant teeth making their way through her gums. THAT is my ONLY theory at this point. She is a trip and an adventure, always making her voice HEARD. I'm so proud of how she is with other babies, kids and adults. I thought she would be particularly shy, but she's totally come around. I was holding a friend's baby the other day and was sitting on the floor. Hayden came over and put her little jealous arm around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder, just to say, "I'm here and I'm STILL your baby!" lol...it was so sweet and unexpected. Natalie never seemed to be bothered by me holding another baby...so it was nice to be wanted. :) My little Hayden, you are learning so much, as you have been since you could see more than 12" in front of your face! :) You know most of the more exotic animal sounds. Your favorite being the lion growl. I can't get you to mimic dogs and cats too often but you do a mean dinosaur and snake. :) You are a copy cat and watching you learn things by doing them over and over is a total riot. :)

Speaking of learning, Natalie is officially enrolled in pre-school! She starts int he fall and she is extremely excited. I guess I'm sort of bittersweet about it all. I can't believe how much tuition is, especially since she will only be going two days a week, but I know it will be fun for her. We will likely bump her up to three days a week in the spring, especially if things are going well. The school is very close to our house, so that helps ease my mind. Everyone keeps telling me how it's going to be harder on me than it will be on her, and I do believe they are right. I am excited for her to learn and gain new experiences and make friends. I'm sure she will love it, or learn to. :) I imagine she won't want me to leave and that will make me sob until I pick her up but I'm sure we will both get used to it.

For now it's summer and I need to get to working on Natalie's 4th birthday. I have, as usual, too much to do. We aren't going anywhere for vacation this year. We decided we need to aggressively start saving money for the future so I will have to be creative when it comes to our summer fun. I'm sure I'm up for the challenge. The possibilities are endless!!

LOVE YOU GIRLS!! XO Mom