Clean Bill of Health.....for now

I celebrate with this picture of me at a healthy and decently fit weight just a year ago....before I got preggo. I was SO proud of myself and it showed.

Today I got the test results back from all the blood work I had done last week. Turns out I'm normal! That's something I've never been diagnosed with..."normalcy." So according to the blood test I no longer have PCOS...I just wonder if an ultrasound would show something different....but I'll be back to check in 3 months. Hopefully with a lowered calorie count and my normal exercise activity I will be able to lose weight and keep that sucker at bay! I asked the doctor if it was too soon after my pregnancy to be testing and she said "no, not at all...maybe your pregnancy cured you." I dunno about that but it is kind of a cool thought...Hayden gave me super powers and those powers have longevity! :)
One crazy thing is after a Resting Metabolism test they determined I have a fast metabolism. I kept checking to make sure it was my test and not someone else. She suggested I eat fewer calories...WAY fewer but I had to modify to slightly higher to give me enough sustenance to fuel my workouts. I'm willing to put in all the hard work to stay healthy and get back into my jeans!

Here's to going in the right direction and hopefully ending up on top of my game!

Day has begun

Yesterday was a crappy day for me, but I got up early this morning to go to my boot camp class and I'm glad I did. Not only to step away from it all but to try to burn off some stress. I think it worked. I didn't really think about anything but exactly what was going on in class each moment. I think that + sweating = a less edgy me. I only go twice a week but it's a great workout and I don't have to miss any time with the family. Did I mention, though, that it's REALLY early?? 5:30am is crazy time (I don't think even the roosters are up that early), but it's better than trying to do anything in the 150 degree heat in the late afternoon times which would definitely cause "skipidge.":) I attempted to run a 5K at 7pm on Saturday and it straight killed me. I consider it a massive failure because I had to stop and walk too many times. The combination of the heat, sun in my face and the fact that it was the end of the day was just a recipe for disaster for my body. The girls were there with my husband and I felt so bad for them. They were both so flushed and sweaty but Natalie got ice cream and Hayden snuggled a water bottle to stay cool. It was nice to get out of there but at least I can say Natalie had fun with dancing and people watching and of course the Mexican Vanilla. :)
OK...here goes today.............milk, breakfast, Hayden....etc, etc, etc....

Mom's day and stuff....

So today has been SUPER emotional. Not sure what is going on but definitely can't wait to get back to the doctor this week to see what exactly is causing it. MEDICATE ME!! ha...
Hayden did so well with her naps on Thursday and Friday of last week. Saturday was kinda messed up because we were out and about so much then I did a 5k that evening with Aunt Lynda. It was HOT and my poor girls looked sweaty and sleepy by the time we had finished. I think Natalie had a good time with the live music and some dancing in the grass. They had a fun-filled weekend with all their cousins and Uncle J and Aunt Lynda. Swimming, chasing, dancing, etc! :) I'm glad they get to have weekends like that once in a while.
I was tired when it was all over...actually MORE than tired. Sunday wasn't restful. If I wasn't taking care of Hayden who refused to nap, I was cleaning or playing with Natalie. She had so much fun playing with me in her room. At one point she stopped and stared at me as we giggled and then as she leaped at me for a hug she said,"I just LOVE YOU MAMA!" It was the sweetest thing. I swear she is the reason I get up in the morning. Both my girls are...because I feel true love from them. The way that they need me is unbelievably wonderful and no matter what kind of rotten day I'm having (chemical or mental or both) I never stop loving them and what they do for me on a minute to minute basis. My heart beats for them. I'm so glad that I know them and that they are me.
I keep thinking about wanting to own a bakery. I feel like every day I have a new idea for a cookie filling, or a frosting or even some weird guilty pleasure like, "cookies and dip." haha...well, it's yummy!! For now I think all my baking is for the babies only and if I ever get good enough and feel like doing that again after the girls graduate high school, I will give it a go. I just can't see me doing anything that takes me away from them or being there for them....as much as possible. I can't help that they are my life, my obsession, my absolute EVERYthing.
I love you both to the moon and back and I'm so happy that you are mine. :)

The girls are growing and growing and growing! Natalie's hair is getting longer and so is Hayden's. :). Can't wait to say adios to the buzz cut look on her. Both girls are like sponges and it's hard to refrain and not be my true self. ;). I want them to know me but sometimes maybe they know too much. It's hard to think of yourself as a super mom., made of steal and cookie dough, when there are so many weak moments. My goal is to be the best I can be every day and take it moment to moment. If I can outnumber the bad moments with the good ones I can go to bed happy knowing I truly did my best. I'm ready for Hayden to get more active which to some might be "famous last words" but I think it will help a lot when it comes to playing with Natalie and doing projects. Everybody can be involved. :)
My big girl is going to be 3 in 3 weeks and 2 days! I just can't believe how fast the time goes. I still remember every single part of my pregnancy. How predictable and calm she was. How amazing it felt to feel her little limb roll across my ribs for the first time...it was the greatest feeling I think I had ever had up to that point. I remember all the way back to feeling hopeless about having a child and everything we went through just to see her beautiful face. I love u so much my Natalie and I can't wait to see your face at your birthday celebration!

Words and Feelings

I go through so many emotions and feelings throughout the day. Happiness, exhaustion, fear, sadness and just plain feeling overwhelmed. BUT the best outweighs the worst every day no matter how crazy things get. I still go to bed feeling so in love with my babies, so fortunate and so grateful.
I place so much pressure on myself to be THE best mom I can be and so many days I feel like "wow, I was a waste of space today." What's funny is those days I feel less than adequate Natalie and Hayden seem to sense it and want to snuggle or make me smile in any way they can. At the end of the day, I must be doing something right because they both want me around and love me so much.
I get inspired by lots of things, but an inspiring moment that I think I will always keep close to my heart came from my 3 year old. Hayden was laying down on the couch and Natalie leaned in close and said, "my heart is you." I'm not sure where she heard that or where it came from, but it was followed by a kiss and it made MY heart soar. :)
What it showed me was that love is so innocent, so influenced by everyday moments, so unconditional and so so so beautiful.
I think that everyone goes through rough patches in their lives as they adjust to new things that come and go. One thing I want my girls to know is that when you feel love you should show love. Regardless of the outcome, you will always feel good about being true to your heart. Being genuine is the greatest thing you can do for yourself and others.
Mama loves you both, and that's me being me. :)
XO,
Mom