Life is pretty good. Both girls sleep through the night and that makes me the happiest mommy on the planet! :) Hayden is struggling with a day time nap routine. She did good the first day, but the rest of the week has been a little crazy.
She really prefers to sleep in her "boppy" chair...next to me. :) I can't listen to her cry, like they tell you to, for 30 minutes...I guess cause I know her different cries. I know when she's just whining and when she's really upset. Seems like every time I give in and go up to her room, she has actual tears coming out of her eyes and my heart breaks. :( I'm sure one day she will be ok with taking her naps in her bed but for now we will do what we can to make her comfortable. I don't really care where she sleeps as long as she sleeps!
Two days ago (May 18) she laughed for the first time. Not just a chuckle but a full on laugh. It was SOOOOOOOOO cute...and who made her laugh? Her daddy, of course! I dunno if she laughed at the sunglasses on his head or just his shiny bald head. Either way, she found whatever he was doing, hysterical.
Life is going and going. The girls are growing up so fast! Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough for them. Like I'm not as fun as Natalie wishes I would be, but I try the best I can, only, I think I can try harder. I don't want anything intruding on our family time, especially in the evenings when we are all together. I signed up for a 4 week fitness boot camp but the only way I would do it is if it was in the morning...EARLY morning....cause I didn't want it to encroach on the time we have together. So I started yesterday, and had to get up at ten till 5 am....yikes. It was fun and it's a great way to shake up my fitness. It also allows me get out on my own to work on myself. I'm really proud of me for having the discipline and I HOPE that I can keep it going, for me, for them...for all of us. When I have something to work on for me it makes me a better wife and mother.
Next in line for life's fun times is Natalie's 3rd birthday!! I have picked the invitations, booked the place and am trying to figure out a theme for the cake and decorations. Nat keeps changing her mind so hopefully she'll pick something at least a week before the party. I hope...
One fun thing that Natalie really enjoys is having her toe nails painted. It's something she and I can do together without involving her little sister. She seems to respond happily to stuff without her sister. Jealousy is starting to rear it's ugly head but that's life. Whatever I can do to have alone time with each girl will help them in the long run when they come together. To know that mom loved them each as individuals and as a team. :)
Love you, my girls!
XO,
MOM
Friday, May 20, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Mother's Day
So I was wanting to write something poetic and profound about Mother's Day. I can't think that descriptive right now. :) I will just say that being a mother is the single greatest thing I've ever had the pleasure of doing in my life. It's no doubt a crazy life and full of it's ups and downs but all of it combined makes the perfect life for me. I think people forget to thank the man in their lives, because lets face it, without them we wouldn't be mothers. Am I right or am I right? ;) Not only did my husband assist in making me a mother, but he assists in keeping me grounded and my sanity intact so that I can be a good mother. For that and all other things I'm eternally grateful for the man he is and for the love he gives.
My girls, my babies, my friends, my loves....
I couldn't have hand picked two better people to be my children. Even though you are still growing and learning about life and how things work, you are remarkable. Natalie, I've watched you be cautious and sweet from the first day of your life. You were predictable and on a schedule from the womb. :) I respect your independence and your vivid imagination because that is SO me. :) I'm glad that I was able to pass that along to you. I am also completely blown away by how you embraced your little sister from the time we found out together that mommy was pregnant to now, you love and cherish everything about your future best friend. I'm proud of how well you've accepted the changes that came with her.
Hayden, from 7 weeks I knew you were a fighter. When I thought I lost you, you were right there flourishing and assuring me that you were gonna make it. You faced that adversity for the next 14 weeks and came out on top! :) Even though I know Natalie will be your big sis, you will most definitely be her protector. :)
I love you both for who you are and who you will become. You are both amazing and I couldn't possibly love you more. Thanks for being the "eggs" that beat out everyone in my my crazy ovaries and for making the journey that made me your mommy. :)
XOXOXO,
Mom
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Sisterly Love
So yesterday was the first day that I actually stopped seeing fear in Hayden's eyes whenever Natalie came close to her and started seeing excitement. Watching them light up when they see each other is pure magic. Hayden is even starting to get mad when Natalie walks away from playing with her....adorable.
Natalie has no trouble talking to anyone and being social, which I think might be an understatement. She introduced her sister to a couple of girls yesterday at Target, saying "this is Hayden." I all of a sudden got a vision of them at school, or at parties and Natalie having her sister's back and introducing her to the world which makes me so happy!
It's amazing to see their bond is sprouting. I feel so honored to be able to watch it grow and flourish.
I love you my little girls and I hope that you will be the best of friends throughout your lives and never forget the love that you have for your sister.
XO,
Mom
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
2nd post of the day!
I usually don't post more than once a day, in fact I barely get a chance to do it once a week, but this is a special occasion. When I say "special" I mean crazy, chaotic and all other related adjectives.
First of all I was in a rush, AGAIN to get to the doctor cause I was running late...AGAIN. I just can't seem to get a good groove going when it comes to getting to places with both girls and no husband. ugh. I'll get there, I'll get there.
So as I'm approaching the pediatrician's office I almost missed the turn cause lets face it, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to directions, even though I've been there like 20 times. So my turn was sharp and fast and Natalie was like "Wow, mom lets do that 'gain!" I said, "I almost missed it....don't tell daddy that mommy did that." The minute we step inside the waiting room Natalie says to anyone who is listening, "My mom almost missed it and turned really, really fast!" Oh god save the queen, Natalie....REALLY? You called out your OWN MOTHER??? Not cool....
Everyone got a good laugh out of it cause it was coming from an almost 3 year old, so they likely didn't believe all her details....they must not have cause CPS didn't show up to take the girls away from me, yet.
Moving on....we get into the examination room and run all of Hayden's numbers and after a little play she wants to drink her milk. So I feed her maybe an ounce when some dude walks in. He says he's a "med student" and I'm like, OH GREAT. He acts nervous so it makes me uneasy. Soon after he walked in the door, I was burping Hayden and she spewed all over my blue shirt making a massive mess. The "student" then proceeds to try to diagnose her with acid reflux. How it's common in a lot of infants, all the ways they treat it, etc etc....no matter how many times I tell him she for sure doesn't have it and that mess was not her usual, he continued to be latched onto that idea. Finally he left and brought back the pediatrician.....15 minutes later. Before they came back in Natalie said, "oh no, mom..I need to go poop" I had to make her wait cause I had no idea when the doc would come in and I couldn't just put Hayden down. It was so stressing me out to tell my child to "hold it"...real healthy, I know.
The good thing is that Hayden is doing awesome, although not now that she got three shots. YUCK. That's the worst experience ever. So I'm letting Hayden sleep on me for as long as she wants today cause I feel so horrible that she had to feel any kind of pain. There has to be a scientist held up in some rat hole somewhere devoted to figuring out how to vaccinate kids without using a needle.
To end our experience we stopped at Target for some Mother's Day shopping for mommy and then to chic-fil-a where I was a good girl and ordered a grilled chicken sandwich and didn't even sneak a fry from Natalie's kids' meal. I didn't even get mad when she accidentally dumped the second half of her lunch on the floor...wow, what control I have. Now I know the reasoning behind Hayden's amazing night of sleep last night....it was so I wouldn't snap today. :)
First of all I was in a rush, AGAIN to get to the doctor cause I was running late...AGAIN. I just can't seem to get a good groove going when it comes to getting to places with both girls and no husband. ugh. I'll get there, I'll get there.
So as I'm approaching the pediatrician's office I almost missed the turn cause lets face it, I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to directions, even though I've been there like 20 times. So my turn was sharp and fast and Natalie was like "Wow, mom lets do that 'gain!" I said, "I almost missed it....don't tell daddy that mommy did that." The minute we step inside the waiting room Natalie says to anyone who is listening, "My mom almost missed it and turned really, really fast!" Oh god save the queen, Natalie....REALLY? You called out your OWN MOTHER??? Not cool....
Everyone got a good laugh out of it cause it was coming from an almost 3 year old, so they likely didn't believe all her details....they must not have cause CPS didn't show up to take the girls away from me, yet.
Moving on....we get into the examination room and run all of Hayden's numbers and after a little play she wants to drink her milk. So I feed her maybe an ounce when some dude walks in. He says he's a "med student" and I'm like, OH GREAT. He acts nervous so it makes me uneasy. Soon after he walked in the door, I was burping Hayden and she spewed all over my blue shirt making a massive mess. The "student" then proceeds to try to diagnose her with acid reflux. How it's common in a lot of infants, all the ways they treat it, etc etc....no matter how many times I tell him she for sure doesn't have it and that mess was not her usual, he continued to be latched onto that idea. Finally he left and brought back the pediatrician.....15 minutes later. Before they came back in Natalie said, "oh no, mom..I need to go poop" I had to make her wait cause I had no idea when the doc would come in and I couldn't just put Hayden down. It was so stressing me out to tell my child to "hold it"...real healthy, I know.
The good thing is that Hayden is doing awesome, although not now that she got three shots. YUCK. That's the worst experience ever. So I'm letting Hayden sleep on me for as long as she wants today cause I feel so horrible that she had to feel any kind of pain. There has to be a scientist held up in some rat hole somewhere devoted to figuring out how to vaccinate kids without using a needle.
To end our experience we stopped at Target for some Mother's Day shopping for mommy and then to chic-fil-a where I was a good girl and ordered a grilled chicken sandwich and didn't even sneak a fry from Natalie's kids' meal. I didn't even get mad when she accidentally dumped the second half of her lunch on the floor...wow, what control I have. Now I know the reasoning behind Hayden's amazing night of sleep last night....it was so I wouldn't snap today. :)
At the End of the Day
I have good days, I have bad days...just like any other mom. I'm not even sure it is really PPD or if it's lack of sleep+lack of control+2 kids who need me simultaneously+wishing I could be a better mom to both of them. To me the latter equation is more of what I feel and much less clinical than I thought. Finding a groove is key to any mother's survival. I know it just takes time and at the end of the day, it's all over and I get to start over again in the morning, whatever time Hayden decides that will be!
I try hard every day to just pick myself up and shut my eyes during the "scary" parts of the emotional roller coaster and wait for them to be over. I end the day feeling bad that I didn't do MORE to be fun for Natalie or pay closer attention to her chit chat. She acts out more than she ever has and I thought "well it's the terrible twos" but I think it has more to do with the fact that Hayden needs me ALL the time and Natalie has kinda taken a back seat, unintentionally. She's so great with Hayden, even with her moments of mild violence toward her :), she's so great and loves her sister with all her heart. When you see these sisters look at each other, you can feel the love. I don't see the fear in Hayden's eyes anymore, which is good. haha....
Natalie, I have been making a point ever since I got too preggo to give you baths and Daddy had to take over, to make sure I spend some quality time with you afterward to read you stories, sing songs with you and just talk about our day. It's my favorite time of day, alone time with my NuNu. :) It's so fun to giggle, discover our silly shadows cast by your monkey night light and sing the ABCs softly with you. I hope you know how much Mommy truly loves you and that I never want you to feel like you are less special or important now that your sister is here. I love you both to the moon and back and I hope you always know that I couldn't be happier being your Mommy. :)
XO,
Mom
I try hard every day to just pick myself up and shut my eyes during the "scary" parts of the emotional roller coaster and wait for them to be over. I end the day feeling bad that I didn't do MORE to be fun for Natalie or pay closer attention to her chit chat. She acts out more than she ever has and I thought "well it's the terrible twos" but I think it has more to do with the fact that Hayden needs me ALL the time and Natalie has kinda taken a back seat, unintentionally. She's so great with Hayden, even with her moments of mild violence toward her :), she's so great and loves her sister with all her heart. When you see these sisters look at each other, you can feel the love. I don't see the fear in Hayden's eyes anymore, which is good. haha....
Natalie, I have been making a point ever since I got too preggo to give you baths and Daddy had to take over, to make sure I spend some quality time with you afterward to read you stories, sing songs with you and just talk about our day. It's my favorite time of day, alone time with my NuNu. :) It's so fun to giggle, discover our silly shadows cast by your monkey night light and sing the ABCs softly with you. I hope you know how much Mommy truly loves you and that I never want you to feel like you are less special or important now that your sister is here. I love you both to the moon and back and I hope you always know that I couldn't be happier being your Mommy. :)
XO,
Mom
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Whine, cry, spit up, repeat
That's the day I'm having today. Last night's sleep was lacking during some hours and full of tension during others. I kept hearing Hayden making coughing, spit up and gurgling sounds....oh yea and the grunt that she has become so famous for. Its so hard to sleep when I am scared she's gagging. :( She's having trouble resting/sleeping so that puts me on edge. I can't function if my girls don't get adequate rest. Hoping for a better day tomorrow especially since we are going to Hayden's doctor appt, just me and the girls...no daddy. :( It's her first shots, and I'm so not looking forward to those eyes welling up with tears and looking at me like, "why did you let this happen to me????" Ugh...boy...SO need a glass of wine to comprehend all that life is offering up to me right now. I need a workout bad.
Monday, May 2, 2011
There's something unbelievably sweet looking down at an innocent little baby snuggling up against her mama without a care in the world. Those beautiful long eyelashes fluttering and her gummy mouth smiling as she dreams about happy things. She doesn't care about crazy barking dogs, her sister's fits or howling winds. I shouldn't say she doesn't care....she just doesn't let it effect her in the least. I think her mom could take a lesson from her. Not to say this little beauty of mine doesn't have her moments of impatience but she wants to smile at everything because everything to her in her new little life is way cool.....especially 5:22am, every morning ;-). Did I just insert a "winky" face??? WOW, how positive of me! Haha....
I truly have no complaints about either one of my girls....just a few moments of insanity throughout the day, but hell, that's as good as it gets, and I'm happy with that.
I truly have no complaints about either one of my girls....just a few moments of insanity throughout the day, but hell, that's as good as it gets, and I'm happy with that.
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