Updates

I swear it seems like my posts are coming further and further apart! Maybe cause they are. :) I am going to get on it and become more diligent. My girls just deserve more. Anyway, Hayden is into this "SHRIEKING" phase. I dunno what started it, why it is happening, no do I know when it's going to stop. NOTHING seems to be deterring her from doing it. She shrieks in horror, in pain and in delight. It's so ear splitting that I am feel my ear drums pounding and aching at least 10 minutes after it comes ringing from her vocal chords. My hubby can't stand it and I'm sure one day he's going to snap and run out of our house! He is so calm and cool with everything (except OU football) so it will be epic if I can't get her to quiet that sweet scream. :) Hayden just got a new tooth too, totally out of "normal" baby tooth order..a MOLAR! I only can think that the shrieking, crazy Hayden is because of the giant teeth making their way through her gums. THAT is my ONLY theory at this point. She is a trip and an adventure, always making her voice HEARD. I'm so proud of how she is with other babies, kids and adults. I thought she would be particularly shy, but she's totally come around. I was holding a friend's baby the other day and was sitting on the floor. Hayden came over and put her little jealous arm around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder, just to say, "I'm here and I'm STILL your baby!" lol...it was so sweet and unexpected. Natalie never seemed to be bothered by me holding another baby...so it was nice to be wanted. :) My little Hayden, you are learning so much, as you have been since you could see more than 12" in front of your face! :) You know most of the more exotic animal sounds. Your favorite being the lion growl. I can't get you to mimic dogs and cats too often but you do a mean dinosaur and snake. :) You are a copy cat and watching you learn things by doing them over and over is a total riot. :)

Speaking of learning, Natalie is officially enrolled in pre-school! She starts int he fall and she is extremely excited. I guess I'm sort of bittersweet about it all. I can't believe how much tuition is, especially since she will only be going two days a week, but I know it will be fun for her. We will likely bump her up to three days a week in the spring, especially if things are going well. The school is very close to our house, so that helps ease my mind. Everyone keeps telling me how it's going to be harder on me than it will be on her, and I do believe they are right. I am excited for her to learn and gain new experiences and make friends. I'm sure she will love it, or learn to. :) I imagine she won't want me to leave and that will make me sob until I pick her up but I'm sure we will both get used to it.

For now it's summer and I need to get to working on Natalie's 4th birthday. I have, as usual, too much to do. We aren't going anywhere for vacation this year. We decided we need to aggressively start saving money for the future so I will have to be creative when it comes to our summer fun. I'm sure I'm up for the challenge. The possibilities are endless!!

LOVE YOU GIRLS!! XO Mom

Reflections of a Mother's Day

More like reflections of a mother's week! Last week was rough. I got up Monday morning feeling much better about everything, and decided that I wasn't going to let hormonal imbalance run my life! So I got on the treadmill and took back my routine. I knew I had a lot of make up work to do after last week's sabbatical. I'm not quite sure what spurred my determination, will power and overall self to take a nose dive, but it felt like I had no control over it. I felt like a "shell" and basically just going through the motions. It seems like no amount of alone time would help take the edge off. I baked, I ate chocolate, I tried new recipes, I pinned, I did all I could do to bring me out of that funk, but I went to bed sad every night. I thought for sure I was going to quit this program/way of life that my hubby and I started 10 weeks ago, and that made me more depressed. I kept telling myself to just give it a week off and see what happens...either way I was going to have to force myself out of that "ditch" one way or another, whether I liked it or not. One thing is for sure, my husband was NOT going to let me give up and/or fail. He very kindly said "maybe you just need a break" (or agreed when I said it :) but he did agree that I needed to take time and he did NOT judge me when I had mini failures throughout the funk. That night as I was snuggling with Natalie on the couch, she told me "you are the best mom ever, the best mom I ever had." :) It made my heart melt and I felt so lucky to have a child so sweet, so incredible. She had had a rough week too, but was doing much better. She told me before bed that she had "a-cided (decided) to be a big girl and to be nice." It's amazing...just when you think they aren't listening...they totally are. Of course I realized that life in general is a learning experience. Nothing ever goes as planned, or the way you really want it. You have to adapt to it, and make the best out of all situations. My girls are always going to fight over stuff, I have to pick the battles I go to war in, and leave the others alone. They have to learn to get along, and they do get along in the best ways. Hayden has been in and out of good moods this week thanks to teething rearing it's ugly head again!! UGH! I still love her to bits. :) The girls are very into Dora the Explorer these days. Hayden LOVES Swiper the Fox! She does his little theme music and does her "shocked face" when he comes out. :) She's so cute. She still loves to sing (and sings the Dora song)...I'm surprised she can say words so clearly. Natalie has grown 3 inches since the last time I measured her which I'm thinking was around christmas time. I can't believe she's shot up that much! I think she is in the 93rd percentile for height! crazy. I think soon I'm going to have to start getting her clothes in the "big girl" section instead of the "baby girl" section. :( Sadness. She's growing up too fast!! They both are. Time to get you girlies up...I love you so much ..let's have some fun!! XO Mom

Makes me wonder...

I read all these blogs by celebrity moms who are adamant about "green" and "honest" living. It seems to have just hit them after having their babies that the planet isn't safe with all the chemicals found in, well, household chemicals. It makes me wonder, am I that horrible a mother for using clorox products? I think I do the best I can with their best interests at heart. I feel "green" cause I don't wash their hair every day and always use my reusable shopping bags every time I go to the grocery store, but is it enough? I do buy the more natural clorox cleaning products, so that's something. :) Although I'm sure my husband prefer I just buy the cheapest thing possible, which means less attention is made to the product itself. I also believe in free range chicken and eggs. Happy chickens, happy food. :) I've also thought a lot about going back to vegetarianism. I was before I got preggo with my first child. My preggo self all of a sudden hated soy milk AND veggies! It was craziness for me. I was craving a nice fat juicy steak too much of the time. So I haven't been back since, but I feel increasingly sad for animals. I hate it when I don't use all my eggs and have to throw them away. Those eggs were brought into the world for me to throw away???? :( I also HATE HATE HATE seeing a package of veal in the grocery store. I can't stand the thought of it being a baby cow, born for human consumption and I can't believe that every other human doesn't feel the same way! I know animals haven't much emotion or brain activity, for that matter, but I still feel horrible for what is going into my mouth. :( My husband is a carnivore from WAY back so it's never going to be a family decision to go sans meat. Another problem is that I need to eat a good amount of protein at each meal for my "program" to work, and there is only so much cottage cheese and protein powder one can take in a day! Decisions, decisions. I guess if these are my big brain strains, I guess I'm doing pretty good. ;) I want to do THE best for my girls and just because I feel a certain way, does that mean I have to impose it on them? I've never thought that just cause a parent feels one way that they should force their kid into it. Not that mine are old enough to make those kinds of decisions, they can only follow what we do, but sometimes I feel someone's personal preference is just that, personal. I guess until they can make their own decisions, I have to do what I do, keep them healthy and happy. :) Everything else will fall in line...in time. So even though I am still "wondering" I know exactly who I am and what I feel and that makes it right in my book. Maybe that's a cool thing I'm teaching my kids, to know they have a choice. As long as they are happy, I am happy.

Hayden knows too much...it's scary.

My baby is 14 months old and she already understands so much! I can't even count how many words she knows and says. They aren't perfect pronunciation, but she definitely spits out at least the first syllable. What is so amazing to me is that she attempts anything you ask of her. She's almost like a parrot. :) It's good to be able to communicate with her because as parents know, when you have a baby there is nothing more frustrating than not knowing what's going on with them. All you can attempt to do is figure out their different cries, which is like learning a different language...at high speed. Hayden just started nodding her head "yes." That's cool to me because for a while everything was a "no" as far as her head shaking went, and she would get mad when what she really meant was "YES." pff....haha. :) One of my other favorite "tricks" Hayden does is help Mama out. :) She takes the juice or milk cup to sister, or delivers something to Daddy. It's so cute. She's so proud of herself. :) She is also so polite and says "thank" when she gets her food, juice, milk, or a kiss. :) SO adorable. Natalie is a great help most of the time. She wants to learn to cook and bake. The other day she asked if she could babysit her sister. :) I told her not yet, but that she could help me with diaper changing. She brought her little princess stool over and helped. :) However, she didn't want to assist when Hayden had a "stinker," as she calls it. :) Do you really blame her? Natalie is so grown up, I have to remind myself every day that she is 3. I can't believe how well she speaks and carries herself. She's still a silly willy, but definitely in a more mature way. ;) So Mother's Day is right around the corner. I remember last year (when I still had all my hair :), and how awesome it felt to have two little gifts in my life. I can't believe how far we've come and how much we've all grown. Even though I feel like I "shrink" a little some days/weeks, I still feel like you girls bring out the best parts of me. I know that being a mom the stress can get to me, but at the end of the day I'm always thankful for the love that you give to me. Bed time is still my favorite time of day because of the individual time I can spend with you girls. Natalie, I love how you need to have about 5 kisses and a hug when I tuck you in. You always insist on us blowing a kiss to each other as I walk out the door. I started it and you help keep it going. Hayden, you put your tiny little arm around my neck and want to snuggle before I put you down. You always pull me in closer which is just the sweetest thing. It's almost like you are saying "tighter mama, tighter." My heart melts into a puddle every night. You also know when you are ready to lay down. I get a few kisses then you reach for your bed. :) You are both such great sleepers and I wish that for you for the rest of your lives! Thanks, my lovelies, for making a woman who feels inadequate too much of the time, feel like a very special person more of the time. :) I LOVE YOU!!! XO Mom