Sometimes I wish I could get away from it all...just for a few days. And well, you might think this is "not so nice" or not a "lovey dovey" kind of post, it's real...it's me...and it's us. Every day I have this set job. Things change up a little bit from time to time. But my job remains the same. I get up, fix my coffee and veg in front of the computer until it's time for y'all to get up. It's some of the best time of my day. I have no focus, no job to do. It's just me. You will find as you grow into adulthood that we all need some decompress time. I am not ashamed of mine cause I know it's important and it makes me a better mommy to you. If I have an adequate amount of down time, I can play and sing and have a blast with my two best friends. Lately, I've been grinding my teeth in the stress I've built up inside myself. Your mom is constantly striving to be the best at all things. It's for no one else's sake but my own. I know this sounds so bizarre, but it's my own high standards that I have to answer to on a minute to minute basis. I go to bed and rest so easily after I've fed you girls a yummy and veg filled dinner. Knowing you enjoyed every last bite puts my mind at peace. If your rooms are picked up and in nice order, I sleep better. It's this absolutely absurd mindset that makes me grind my teeth. I think I might be slightly OCD. But then I think harder about it and maybe it's just me having this overwhelming want to make sure you are happy and healthy. It shouldn't take as MUCH as effort as I put into it, but I still do it. My whole life is you. I have never been so meticulous, so focused on one thing. The best part about that obsessive compulsiveness is that I am more determined in different aspects of my life as well including finishing what I start. I am a start and drop kind of personality, but after having kids, I have become much more focused and my determination has sky rocketed. Every year of your lives I evolve a little bit more. The problem is that I suffer in other areas. I can't keep my whole life in perfect order and that's frustrating. SO when I say I wish I could get away for a little while, it's so that decompression can help me prioritize. The stress of things that I am not so good at, eat away at me. Whereas I feel like I'm a better version of myself, I still feel like I could use more patience, understanding and my own self acceptance. So here's hoping little bits of alone time (here and there), and stress release add up to help me see the light in all that is me and my beautiful life. :) I Love you!! XO Mom

Wow

I don't want off the roller coaster, I just want it to slow down a bit. The girls have been sick for over a week and a half...finally it decided to dry up! Thank goodness. They played outside after their naps and had so much fun. Hayden fell in the bushes and Natalie fell off of the small play slide we have in the back yard...at almost the same exact second! It was crazy. I yell at my Daddy to grab Hayden and I see Natalie fall head first the short distance to the grass, her feet and legs still draped over the slide. They were both laughing, so no biggie. Hayden is the "dare devil" in training. She was sitting next to Natalie on the couch, watching her sister play a game on the iPad and I guess turned around too fast and fell face first on one of their little wooden chairs, wait...it was on the CORNER of that little chair. You can only imagine how fantastic her forehead looks right now. It immediately swelled up! It was like one of those hershey's easter chocolate eggs. I felt so bad for her. It was green and purple and she barely let me put ice on it. We had to pretend to put ice on her dinosaur to help her along. It worked a little. So today she has two scratches and a red bump but the swelling is way down. That was scary for me. She has bumped, bruised and bled so much more in her short little life than Natalie did. Let's see...Natalie=cautious, Hayden=adventurous. There is the reason why I see more injuries with Hayden. :) Hayden talks SO much. Said it before, I'll say it again...Hayden talks SO much! My favorite thing she says is when she wants her sister to come with her. "c'mon tithter, MON!" :) LOVE. You guys are getting a long so much better these days. Natalie you are in caregiver mode and I adore that. You still don't want her taking everything from you but you are getting more, let's see.....used to it? I'm so sad cause you are growing up too fast. Things are changing and I dunno if it's school that's causing more growth in you, Natalie, but it makes me sad. You are definitely not my little baby any more. There is a difference to say the least. It's not a bad difference it's just you evolving and something that this obsessive mother has to get used to. I love you both SO much and it grows every single day. We all grow and change and better ourselves, so I have to accept what is happening to you. It's mother nature doing her thing and I cherish what she has given to me in the forms of you. :) I love you to the moon, my lovelies. XO! Mom