More deep thoughts...

I often wonder how you girls will perceive me or reflect on your mom when you are adults. Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough to bring you joy. I am very good with procedures and schedules and making sure you have all that you need, are comfortable and are fed all the healthy foods for your growing bodies. Once in a while I do special things like projects, homemade decorations or pillows for your rooms, and even bake something delish to put smiles on your sweet faces. Perhaps the best way to show love is through actions and apologies. I think I apologize for flying off the handle too many times to make the discipline stick, however. I just can't help but give a thousand kisses and say a million "I love yous" to try to remind myself, and you, that what I feel for both of you is love, love, and more love. In my opinion, I need to work on being more of a "fun mom" that will run around with you MORE, dance with you MORE, blow bubbles with you MORE and all the other things that make you giggle and wiggle with excitement. I do it on days I feel great, I don't do it on days I feel tired and overwhelmed. I need to do it...EVERY day. I am honest, and that hurts, but one thing that never lacks is my need to care for you both in the best and hardest ways possible. I cherish you both for SO many things. Your senses of humor, your different but special personalities, your extreme sensitivities and emotions-so many things wrapped up in two beautiful packages. I am your mom and all I really want from both of you is for you to be kind people who follow your hearts all the way to the biggest dreams you have. I worry, I stress, I lose patience, I get upset, but I never stop loving you both to the moon and back. Whenever you look back on the memories of childhood, I hope you will know that I cared, I tried, and I loved with all that I am. XO, Mom