A look back

Today I am 36 weeks pregnant with my little bundle of joy, Hayden. Although it's been a rocky pregnancy with this "awesome" pelvic pain....I still am so thankful that I got pregnant. I feel like a "normal" woman, which I don't think I ever have due to the PCOS. There are so many conflicting things about pregnancy but the one thing that sticks out is that it is a true miracle. I've been feeling down today because of all the things I can't do, but I decided to try to focus on the positive of the situation, no matter how much pain and hormonal craziness is going on. Of course the positive is my Hayden. I feel like she's been trying to make me feel better with her rolling and shifting. She looks kinda like a puppy under a blanket. :)

I'm so anxious and nervous about giving birth, but then I think about her and what she's going to look like and hoping she is going to be ok. I look back at when I first found out I was pregnant. It was just Natalie and me at home when I decided to take a pregnancy test....and it was positive. Eric came back from his bike ride 5 minutes after I got the result. He was unsure but really happy :) I can't believe I was given this chance to be a mom again....I hope I can balance and be a good mom to both my girls.

I wish I could think of a better word than EXHAUSTED

It just doesn't seem to sum up how I feel these days. I am sore from posterior pelvic pain, I've figured out by self diagnosis. :) At first I thought it was siatica, but thank god it's not. That's much worse.
I'm so frustrated cause I have to sit down a lot. I'm just kind of a busy person and like to be doing "stuff." There is so much I want to and need to do before baby Hayden comes and I can't seem to get it done. Thankfully the hubby has been helping me with dishes and cleaning....even though I wish he had started that a few months ago :) but beggers can't be choosers!
I spent the morning trying to re-organize the pantry and cabinets to make room for bottles and formula, etc. I even sterilized nipples and washed bottles. I'm already worn out.
The upside is that her room is completely finished. Her mini-nursery in our bedroom will be ready to go by the end of the week. Had to hold off because we are having the carpets cleaned on wednesday so I wanted to make sure it was all out of the way for them. Tuesday afternoon/evening is going to be back breaking cause I'm going to have to vacuum every exposed nook and cranny. :| Yikes....

Anyway, I'm SO ready for you Miss Hayden, but you take the time you need to get "ready" and Mommy will be on high alert and ready for you too. :)

My poor Natalie is not able to have her crazy and fun mommy lately :( and that makes me so sad. :( I hate her disappointed face when she wants me to pick her up or dance crazy with her like I used to. She doesn't understand and I don't expect her to, but she has told me that she is ready for Hayden too. :) I can't wait to start feeling normal again and get my body back so I can be fun for my girls.

I love you both to the moon and back and just know that your mommy is trying to be the best I can be for you both.

xo
Mom

All about Hayden...

I wonder who you'll be. I wonder if you'll look like your sister--a little bit of mom and dad? Hoping you are as good a baby as she was. You seem to be a busy girl and possibly a big girl. You are constantly stretching and pushing on my skin, ribs, organs...whatever is in your way. I feel your powerful kicks and they make me jump and say "OUCH!" in the middle of conversations..so thank YOU for that. :) Needless to say this pregnancy has been a lot different than it was with your big sister. She kind of gently rolled. No doubt I was uncomfortable during the last month because of pelvic pain, but I've been feeling uncomfortable during this pregnancy for a while. I don't want you to think you are in any way bothersome or a nuisance...cause that isn't the case at all! I love feeling you. I sometimes can't believe that I'm pregnant with you. Going from all the Clomid treatments and the horror of side effects that came with them, to actually seeing those two pink lines on the pregnancy test....to the joy in the confirmation of my doctor via ultrasound...seeing my little egg attached to me. :) I had such a scare with you around 9 weeks when I started bleeding heavily. I really thought I lost you and it was the worst feeling I've ever had in my life. Daddy rushed home to be with me and we went to the doctor immediately. The bleeding was caused by a blood clot that was attached to my uterus. Your heart was still beating and you were virtually unfazed. I was scared for weeks and weeks afterwards, especially when I had a bit of bleeding but each time I went in for an ultrasound you were still doing great and thriving. At about 22 weeks the blood clot was completely gone and it was like you were saying, "there was a blood clot?" haha....I'm so proud of you for growing and thriving regardless of what was going on in your environment. :) I knew then you were a fighter and you continue to show me that power every day. :) I wish I could have found a name for you that had meaning for what you went through but Dad and I had a hard time agreeing on names. I think in my mind and in my heart, the name "Hayden Isabella Yandle" will forever mean, "overcoming adversity."

I love you my little monkey and Daddy, Natalie and I can't wait to see you...on the outside, happy and healthy. :)
XOXO,
Mommy

Sick Day

Today is a sick day for me and my girl. Baby Hayden kept me up for hours last night and she's not even born yet. Seems like the more tired I am the more active she is. Usually if I sleep she sleeps....but if I wake up in the middle of the night she is like, "what's happening?!" and kicks into overdrive. I can't be mad at her, I love her so much....BUT it's so frustrating to get a decent night's sleep maybe once a week. It's making these last few weeks of pregnancy difficult on me. Now I've contracted a cold and spread it to Natalie. boo :( She has the runniest nose she's EVER had. Usually her immune system is a championship fighter cause she very rarely gets sick. Not so lucky this time. She's not really acting sick...just has watery eyes, sneezing too many times to count and her nose is about to "run" right off of her face. :( I hate it, but she's got some meds in her system now and is down for her nap so hopefully she sleeps the boogies away. :)

I'm going to lay down and watch Ellen and try to get as many winks as I can. I hope both my monkeys fall asleep soon so I can.

Crazytown, USA

Things have been crazy for the last few months. My Natalie turned 2, is potty trained and just got her own big girl bed! It's crazy how fast things happen. :( I'm now at 32 weeks pregnant with Natalie's baby sister and so ready to see her sweet face! :)

This weekend my awesome sister-in-law is coming to town to help me finish up the nursery. I'm soooo ready to have it done so I can concentrate on other things.
This pregnancy has been a bit harder on me than it was the first time, but I'm dealing with it in my own whiny way. :) My husband gets the brunt of my mood swings and dumb outbursts, and all my groaning and complaining....but he takes it like a champ. No wonder I love him. :)

So under 8 weeks to go till my baby monster is here and I can't wait to hold her and see that face! I will be especially glad to not be kicked in the ribs or in a section of skin that has been stretched to the limits. :( yikes

I love you my Natalie and my Hayden...we have so many adventures that lie ahead of us and I can't wait to share moments and memories with both of you.

xoxo,
Mom

TWO!!

Oh hunny bunny....I can't believe you are TWO!! You are such a big girl now! We celebrated your birthday on July 3rd with family and friends. It was an awesome party and you had a blast! It was butterfly themed and you even had your own butterfly wings to wear. You still wear them :)

On your birthday we left for Florida. It was a long drive, but you had so much fun on the beach and in the beach house. We saw a dolphin show and went to the movies and lots of really great places to eat. We were all sad to leave, but the morning we did, it was very early, and in your sleepiness you said, "Mama, lets go homes." :) It was adorable. We were all happy to finally get home, but are looking forward to next year's trip!

TWO years old just seems crazy to me. You are still my baby and these two years have been the best of my life. I love you to the moon and back. Nothing will ever change that my little angel...nothing.

XO,
Mom

Can't believe you are gonna be 2

Seems like this year has gone by a LOT faster than last year. You are growing so fast. You almost know the ABC song and you know so many colors and how to count! It's crazy how much you've learned in such a short period of time.

We are getting ready for your birthday party this weekend! You know it's going to happen and ask about it everyday. It's SO cute! The best thing though is that we are going to the beach on your actual birthday! We won't get there till the day after, but who cares as long as we get there. We are going to Florida and I'm really hoping that the beaches are nice considering the massive oil spill that happened in the Gulf. Either way, we will have a great time and not let anything spoil it.