I've learned over time and through struggles that life isn't about looks or body shape, or the constant need to look perfect to other people. As a mom my concentration should just be on my children and not how difficult it is to get my pre-baby body back. When it was just Natalie and me, I could work on it with little stress and was able to be successful. My "pre-baby body" was a body I hadn't had in several years so trying to attain that again with two kids is much, much harder. I beat myself up everyday over my body and am thinking too much of myself. My thoughts are wrapped around trying to make myself look better. It's stupid. I eat right and I workout and that should be ENOUGH. I want my girls to see me as healthy not a woman obsessed with image. That idea is not going in the right direction at the moment so my whole way of thinking has to change. Happiness is my ultimate goal, no matter what size I am. I think a lot of women go through this "change" when they have kids. I don't want to "let myself go" and truthfully I haven't...so why isn't what I'm doing enough? Well, media and growing up around dieters and the idea that being thinner is always better has just clouded my brain. Life is just SO much bigger than that.
So here is where things change, Natalie and Hayden. I can't promise that I won't fall off the wagon and obsess about my weight on occasion but there will be a lot more of my attention towards you and your happiness cause ultimately all I want is for you both to see me as a wonderful mom who did everything she could to make your childhood an amazing one. I'm in no ways perfect, but if you happen to think that at least once in your life, I will be happy. :)
Love you!!!
XO
Mom
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