Sometimes I wish I could get away from it all...just for a few days. And well, you might think this is "not so nice" or not a "lovey dovey" kind of post, it's real...it's me...and it's us. Every day I have this set job. Things change up a little bit from time to time. But my job remains the same. I get up, fix my coffee and veg in front of the computer until it's time for y'all to get up. It's some of the best time of my day. I have no focus, no job to do. It's just me. You will find as you grow into adulthood that we all need some decompress time. I am not ashamed of mine cause I know it's important and it makes me a better mommy to you. If I have an adequate amount of down time, I can play and sing and have a blast with my two best friends. Lately, I've been grinding my teeth in the stress I've built up inside myself. Your mom is constantly striving to be the best at all things. It's for no one else's sake but my own. I know this sounds so bizarre, but it's my own high standards that I have to answer to on a minute to minute basis. I go to bed and rest so easily after I've fed you girls a yummy and veg filled dinner. Knowing you enjoyed every last bite puts my mind at peace. If your rooms are picked up and in nice order, I sleep better. It's this absolutely absurd mindset that makes me grind my teeth. I think I might be slightly OCD. But then I think harder about it and maybe it's just me having this overwhelming want to make sure you are happy and healthy. It shouldn't take as MUCH as effort as I put into it, but I still do it. My whole life is you. I have never been so meticulous, so focused on one thing. The best part about that obsessive compulsiveness is that I am more determined in different aspects of my life as well including finishing what I start. I am a start and drop kind of personality, but after having kids, I have become much more focused and my determination has sky rocketed. Every year of your lives I evolve a little bit more. The problem is that I suffer in other areas. I can't keep my whole life in perfect order and that's frustrating. SO when I say I wish I could get away for a little while, it's so that decompression can help me prioritize. The stress of things that I am not so good at, eat away at me. Whereas I feel like I'm a better version of myself, I still feel like I could use more patience, understanding and my own self acceptance. So here's hoping little bits of alone time (here and there), and stress release add up to help me see the light in all that is me and my beautiful life. :) I Love you!! XO Mom

Wow

I don't want off the roller coaster, I just want it to slow down a bit. The girls have been sick for over a week and a half...finally it decided to dry up! Thank goodness. They played outside after their naps and had so much fun. Hayden fell in the bushes and Natalie fell off of the small play slide we have in the back yard...at almost the same exact second! It was crazy. I yell at my Daddy to grab Hayden and I see Natalie fall head first the short distance to the grass, her feet and legs still draped over the slide. They were both laughing, so no biggie. Hayden is the "dare devil" in training. She was sitting next to Natalie on the couch, watching her sister play a game on the iPad and I guess turned around too fast and fell face first on one of their little wooden chairs, wait...it was on the CORNER of that little chair. You can only imagine how fantastic her forehead looks right now. It immediately swelled up! It was like one of those hershey's easter chocolate eggs. I felt so bad for her. It was green and purple and she barely let me put ice on it. We had to pretend to put ice on her dinosaur to help her along. It worked a little. So today she has two scratches and a red bump but the swelling is way down. That was scary for me. She has bumped, bruised and bled so much more in her short little life than Natalie did. Let's see...Natalie=cautious, Hayden=adventurous. There is the reason why I see more injuries with Hayden. :) Hayden talks SO much. Said it before, I'll say it again...Hayden talks SO much! My favorite thing she says is when she wants her sister to come with her. "c'mon tithter, MON!" :) LOVE. You guys are getting a long so much better these days. Natalie you are in caregiver mode and I adore that. You still don't want her taking everything from you but you are getting more, let's see.....used to it? I'm so sad cause you are growing up too fast. Things are changing and I dunno if it's school that's causing more growth in you, Natalie, but it makes me sad. You are definitely not my little baby any more. There is a difference to say the least. It's not a bad difference it's just you evolving and something that this obsessive mother has to get used to. I love you both SO much and it grows every single day. We all grow and change and better ourselves, so I have to accept what is happening to you. It's mother nature doing her thing and I cherish what she has given to me in the forms of you. :) I love you to the moon, my lovelies. XO! Mom

School Germs and My Toddler, the Dictator

Needless to say, I'm having a fantastic week. OY VAY. Seriously, this is why I hate Natalie going to school. Well ok, so I hate not being in control of her situation for 4 hours, twice a week, but really I'm getting used to it. BUT I just hate hate hate hearing children sound like they are coughing up a lung when I drop her off. :| I just want to cover her mouth and pick her up and RUN out the door. I've always heard the horror stories of stomach flu, regular cold flu, etc being spread through the snotty hugs and slobbery sharing that is...school. One other thing I hate is when people ask, "does she have a fever?" First the husband asks me, then says "it sucks we can't get a refund." That really irritates me. Then I call the school to tell them she isn't coming in because she is sick. This woman then asks, "oh, does she have a fever?" REALLY?? REALLY??? You need to ask? Like I'm lying? It could be that they just want to know in case others start getting sick. I simply just said, "she is a little warm, but her head is hurting and she's coughing and sneezing and she won't be in." But I'm STILL mad. I absolutely HATE being questioned. I grew up being asked if I was sure all the time. I AM sure and I no longer want to live under this "questionable umbrella" because it stopped me from doing so many things in my life. It seems kind of a stretch to move from a sick kid, to my emotional road blocks, but it just stirs it up inside of me. One thing I want you girls to know is that I'm not going to question you when there is something in your life that you are passionate about. I'm not going to make you feel like you should be doubting yourself. It's an awful, unaccomplished, lonely feeling. I want you to be strong, independent and bad ass women. It took me 30+ years to figure out exactly who I am and what I need to do in life. I should've had that foundation, that confidence a long, long time ago. BUT at least I have it now and I know that it was ME that got me here. Now, onto the "Dictator." Hayden, I love you. I really, truly love you. There is not "but." I just think it's funny that you are trying SO hard to become the queen of the house. Oh, hunny bunny...that just AIN'T gonna happen. :) I'm sure you are reading this thinking otherwise or maybe laughing. You are knocking on the door of 19 months, and you try your best to ignore what I say and do as you please until time out is involved. Usually I can tell you that you are not being nice to mommy and that you need to sweet. I get a little hug and a head on the shoulder and a "luh youuuu" YES...you are saying "luh youuuu" now. Last night you were CA-razy, and at around 8:15 (just before your bed time) you came to mommy and said, "Nap, mommy....nap." I said, "oh? you want to go take your nap? you want to go seep?" You said, "uh-huuuuuh" So that was pretty cool. Never have I heard a child say they want to go to sleep. :) You definitely are very decisive and know exactly what you want, when you want it. That is also a bad thing, some times. :) We need to work on your patience a little bit. If mommy has to work on it then so do you. We just decorated for Halloween!! Yippee!! :) Mommy's fave time of year. I was feeling a little confuse with decor this year, because of all my redecorating. Our house has a lot more color and personality so I had to be more subtle and creative with the halloween colors. It is coming along. :) Only bad thing is Natalie thought it was time to go trick-or-treating and I had to tell her it's still a few weeks away. :( Ok, gotta go take care of my little monkey-monks. Hayden is starting to sneeze now....aaaaaaaaand, here we go. :( XO!! Mom

Ideas...SQUASHED!

For the last two days Natalie has begged me to be Repunzel for Halloween. After MONTHS of me trying to figure out how to make my little girl's dreams come true with a fantastic "super thunderstorm" costume that she wanted so badly...I feel sad. I know kids are chronic mind changers, but I feel more crushed that our whole weather family thing isn't going to happen. Why do I have to say yes to her new idea??? I know...I KNOW....cause I HAVE to. :( I sometimes find the whole princess thing a little on the boring side. Sorry my girls, it's just on the days when you want to be a rock star or an "animal doctor" or even a pirate, it thrills me a little more. :) But what can I say, I think I at least have one princess and there's absolutely nothing I can do to change her, nor would I want to. I tell them both every day to just be who they are. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Staying true to yourself is the most important accessory. I think it took me 35 years to figure that one out. Hopefully I can encourage them and get them to that place a little sooner. :) Football season is in full swing. Hayden loves saying "BOOMER SOONER!" and says "football!" when she sees a game on. It's really cute and surprised at how much she soaks up. (good and bad..haha) Natalie is really loving school. Yesterday she went on and on about how fun it was. That's my favorite time of the day, picking her up and hearing all about it. :) She's learning names and comes home with a "new friend's" name almost every school day. So excited for Fall! Today it's raining and it's going to continue off and on for a couple more days. It's movie day and we are watching Tangled. :) Love you girls, lets have a great day!!

Haydee is 18 months old!!

Yesterday was my Haydee girl's 18 month birth "anniversary." :) I can't believe it's already been a year and a half!! She is my crazy girl. Constantly talking and trying new things, whether we like it or not. We've been enjoying our tuesday and thursday mornings together while sister is in school. I've never had a real chance to bond with her on a one-on-one basis and I'm glad I get a chance now. Maybe she doesn't notice or even care, but I do. It's good for my soul so that makes it so good for her too. :) We just got through with our major kitchen reno/cabinet painting. It was crazy having the house torn up for 2 weeks, but it makes things so much sweeter now that it's done and pretty :) Anyway, thank you girls, for being soooo patient with mommy and daddy during a "crazy mommy idea/project." :) It didn't seem to faze you at all. That's why I love my little easy going girls....well easy going in MOST things ;) LOVE YOU bunchy bunchies!!! XO Mom

Natalie's First Day of School!

Today is Natalie's first day of Pre-k school. She's only doing 2 day/half days, but still...it was SO hard for me to leave her with "strangers." She did so great though and looking forward to it for so many weeks. Luckily we got to have a play date for about 30 minutes prior to this, so she got used to it a little bit. As soon as we walked in, you went straight for the teacher (Ms. Val) and showed her your backpack and lunch bag. Mommy was dumb and made you your fave sandwich, pb and j, but it's a "peanut free facility" so I had to bring it home. You have plenty more to chow on, and can have the sandwich when I pick you up at 1. :) There were lots of kids in there already and you started playing immediately. I'm nervous about all the things you are going to have to do on your own or depend on someone else for. In your 4 years of life, I've always done everything for you....so trusting in someone else and letting you learn your independence is pretty frightening for me. I will admit, as I have in the past, that I'm a bit OCD when it comes to things. I have to learn to relinquish control. It's good for all of us. :)

Last night y'all were looking at two different animal books, making the sounds of all the animals and chit chatting. Hayden said, "Hug" and gave you a hug Nat. Then Natalie said, "aww Hayden...you're just the best sister." It was the sweetest thing and it melted my heart. I will never forget it and I think I teared up a little bit. I love watching you girls grow into your own personalities. Hayden you say so many words and Natalie your compassion and sense of humor is in full bloom. Fall is almost upon us and the real fun begins, for mommy. :) I can't wait for fall decorating and halloween projects and the start of the holiday season. LATER SUMMER!! We have been in our cabinet painting project for a full week now and you guys are adapting to the craziness; dust, stuff everywhere, complete chaos. You don't ask many questions, just keep on keepin' on. Mommy and daddy can't wait till it's all done and we can enjoy our kitchen again!! Love you!!!! XO Mom

This and that...

I realized after my second child that there is a pro and con situation with when they start talking. Pro...they tell you what they want. Con...they tell you what they want. :) Really it's awesome that Hayden can tell me, "Mommy...I hungee" or "Mommy, huhts" (while pointing at a body part that hurts). Of course she likes to tell on her sister when she isn't getting her way. It's so painful and yet so funny to watch them interact. One minute they are about to go all WWF in the middle of the kitchen. The next minute they are singing and playing "ring around the rosy (which by the way, have you ever paid close attention to the lyrics?? It's kinda sad singing about disease!)." Things can get way out of control fast, but then the seem to calm down almost as fast. Siblings have such a unique relationship. Hot to cold, warm to boiling, etc etc etc. It's been a long hot summer. There have been so many happy and fun memories. I can't wait to write my summer wrap up. Can you tell I'm chomping at the bit?? :) My summer has been extraordinary, I must admit. I really love this DIY/refurb/flip stuff. I can actually sit still and do something well and really learn from it. If I get better, maybe I'll create a separate blog to discuss my projects. Although there are about a million blogs about the same thing, my two cents and my ideas wouldn't hurt anything. :) Natalie is so into Hello Kitty right now. She HAD to have a hello kitty back pack and lunch bag for school. She asked me, "do you think the kids will like it, mom?" I said, "It doesn't matter if everyone likes it or hates it. what matters is that YOU like it. No matter what anyone says, it's cool if you like it." Never too early to try to teach my kiddos to just be and love themselves. School starts in 2 weeks!! I'm excited for you Natalie but also not really ready to have you out of the house in someone else's care for a few hours a week. It's me ripping the bandaid off slowly before kinder. YIKES...that's going to freak my freak. :( Love you both! It's nap time!! XO Mom