At the End of the Day

I have good days, I have bad days...just like any other mom. I'm not even sure it is really PPD or if it's lack of sleep+lack of control+2 kids who need me simultaneously+wishing I could be a better mom to both of them. To me the latter equation is more of what I feel and much less clinical than I thought. Finding a groove is key to any mother's survival. I know it just takes time and at the end of the day, it's all over and I get to start over again in the morning, whatever time Hayden decides that will be!
I try hard every day to just pick myself up and shut my eyes during the "scary" parts of the emotional roller coaster and wait for them to be over. I end the day feeling bad that I didn't do MORE to be fun for Natalie or pay closer attention to her chit chat. She acts out more than she ever has and I thought "well it's the terrible twos" but I think it has more to do with the fact that Hayden needs me ALL the time and Natalie has kinda taken a back seat, unintentionally. She's so great with Hayden, even with her moments of mild violence toward her :), she's so great and loves her sister with all her heart. When you see these sisters look at each other, you can feel the love. I don't see the fear in Hayden's eyes anymore, which is good. haha....
Natalie, I have been making a point ever since I got too preggo to give you baths and Daddy had to take over, to make sure I spend some quality time with you afterward to read you stories, sing songs with you and just talk about our day. It's my favorite time of day, alone time with my NuNu. :) It's so fun to giggle, discover our silly shadows cast by your monkey night light and sing the ABCs softly with you. I hope you know how much Mommy truly loves you and that I never want you to feel like you are less special or important now that your sister is here. I love you both to the moon and back and I hope you always know that I couldn't be happier being your Mommy. :)
XO,
Mom