As you can see there are more good things than bad that are rolling around in my brain and in my heart. I've come to terms with my life and the ups and downs. It doesn't, however, make the good any less good, or the bad any less bad. I suppose the way I handle it is what matters the most. Too much of the time I let it all chip away at me. I want what everyone wants, or so I assume. A happy and healthy life for all those that I love including myself. Never to have pain in our hearts, never to feel let down or have anger, to have glowing love and joy and to never stop laughing. Unfortunately, life never works out that way. What we can all hope for is more of the ladder and less of the former. I sometimes wish I could have 3 more kids just so that I can surround myself with people who have unconditional love for me but that's just selfish. I am who I am and I don't expect anyone in this life to understand me but to halfway get me is better than not getting me at all. That aside I feel sometimes like things around me (outside my little family's bubble) are unraveling. It's a "jagged pill" to swallow. Not knowing what to do, thinking whatever you say no one will understand or really listen to....feeling like it's your fault. Words hurt even when they aren't necessarily directed toward you. I wish I could take it all away and going back to my original opening thoughts, I just want the world of the people I love to have happiness in their hearts. I am certainly not one to judge in the worst sense, I've learned my lesson after years of doing just that. When you haven't walked a mile in others' shoes, you have no right to judge....period.
I'm so thankful every day for my husband/my best friend and for my children. They bring love and happiness to me every day...even on crazy days! Yesterday Natalie was watching a cartoon and Moose E. Moose asked "what are you thankful for this year?" and without even pausing, Natalie said, "my mommy." I was just in shock and awe...not sure why, but to have someone need me that way and be so thankful to have me in their life meant everything to me. Maybe she's only 3....but she definitely knows who she loves. She never gets mad at me when I put her in time out...or when I tell her "no"...she always wants to work it out after the fact with a hug and a kiss. There is so much to learn from that little girl. Love and acceptance is more important than anything.
I love you, my girls...to the moon and back. Never forget how much you need me and how much I need you.
XO...Mom
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