Blog Break

Seems like I'm chest deep in gabba gabba land today. Sometimes I think this crap fries my brain. So, here I am to take a blog break while Natalie learns how to "get the wiggles out" and watch kids ride around on 2 headed chickens with fins. If you have kids, you know exactly what I'm talking about, everyone else is probably like, "WTH?"
I'm tired of reporting that I am having yet ANOTHER rough day. I can't wait for the day when I can be like, "YEA! Awesome day today!!!!" That WILL be an awesome day. I wish I didn't have all this stress and crazy body image obsession. How the hell am I supposed to teach my daughters to have a great body image if their mom doesn't??? I've had it, what seems like, my whole life. ALWAYS wishing I was thinner. ALWAYS wanting to be like my friends. It seemed like a total unattainable goal. Finally I succeeded at my lifetime goal and got to spend time in a good place. I didn't think too much about my troubles and felt at peace with myself. Now I'm back in that dark place again and it's really annoying. Trying to concentrate on other things besides the "voices" is hard. It makes me feel like I'm in a hole that is taking a LONG time to dig out of. It's SO easy to go the other way and let bad food'" take care of me. I can definitely see how people can just let themselves go, because it's just SO hard. Luckily I have a string or two of hope and determination to keep me going for now. Everyone says "be patient"...but unless you've walked a mile in my shoes you really don't know how you would react. Yea, it's not a horrible problem like, I'm homeless or have a terminal illness, but not having the peace of mind that I had once before, knowing how amazing that felt, is completely awful for me. I'm working through it....taking care of my girls and trying to live my life without feeling like I'm just existing. I sound like a broken record but this blog is my therapy...kinda like my private diary...that I just happen to publish to the public.
This body image obsession is bad for a reason, and I just have to find the root of it and remember that there is always time for change. All I want for my girls is for them to be happy. I want them healthy and to understand that any form of exercise is good and that eating a balanced diet and using moderation is the way to go. NO diets in my house! I am never negative about exercise, I do love it and they know that. I hope they grow up knowing it's just a way of life. Girls, I want you to know that I will never obsess about what you are eating. I will never say anything, even in jest when it comes to your bodies because I know what lasting effects it can have on a person. Trust in the fact that I have your best interests at heart and all mommy can do is teach you what I've learned and hope that you will see yourselves in a positive light. I love you both!