Today has been an emotional day for me....for whatever reason. Could be chemical or could be stress of the every day chaos. Whatever it is, it has gotten the best of me. I really wish I could explain it just by the look on my face because trying to put it all into words feels near impossible. Most days I feel like there is no peace in my mind so I guess that's the best way I can put it.
After I had my third breakdown in 24 hours I had a "come to Jesus" moment with myself. I realized that yes, my girls do offer up a lot of tension for me just because I want "this" for them or "that" and realizing that maybe I'm not doing the most important things enough.
I'm also completely stressed about my baby weight and how difficult it has been to lose it. It doesn't seem fair that I work so hard and nothing comes from it, well, nothing but stress. I am tired. Tired of all the drama in my head...tired of not accepting myself and tired of measuring myself by what I think are other people's standards or goals. I used to love to run and do other workouts but then I just got so obsessed with it that my body got burnt out. I feel like with a new mind set my love of it all will come back and I will hopefully stop stressing over it and just accept me for me. I mean what other choice do I have? I have control over that part of my life so eliminating that aspect from my mountain of worries will make it more like a manageable hill I can climb.
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